Social Networking & False Internet Personas
Posted by Holly in Blunt Honesty, Business Preparations, Interesting, Social
Do you really know who you’re interacting with online?
With the ever-increasing popularity of social networking websites online, it’s wise to be even more vigilant about who you are getting to know. In g
eneral, most parents worry about the safety of their children who are using websites such as Myspace and Facebook and other chat clients to socialize online. Without a doubt, it is the parents responsibility (and the child or teen) to collaborate and to keep the children safe. But what about the safety of adults who socialize online? It may sound silly – but adults can be victims of people who are deceptively using social networking to reel a person in.
Hopefully the adults who use the Internet as a social tool to meet others; for friendship, networking or for dating – can use sound judgement in their situations. But, do you know who you are really chatting with online? Some adult victims may not always be victims of brutal crimes from these false personas online. They may just be drawn into a web of deception that causes a lot of undue stress, worry and concern.
Terminally Ill Man – But Is He Really
True Story: About a year ago I received a very polite e-mail from a man named Bill (I was going to use a fake name to reference him, but I think the name is already fake – so we’ll use it!). Bill sent me an e-mail which was very kind and he asked me if he could provide a testimony for my business partner and friend, Davin’s product.I thought it was a great idea and thanked Bill. The following day I received a short written testimony for Davin and Bill stated in his e-mail how happy he was to be able to provide it. He said that it would be the first and last – as he was very ill. By the way he wrote, I was sure that Bill was elderly and obviously sick. I asked him about his illness and he told me he was terminally ill due to lung cancer.
There is no logical reason for someone to make something like that up – so I did not question him. I told him I’d pray for him and he continued to e-mail me. Later I asked him his age and shockingly he told me he was in his late 20s. The correspondences continued and I became really emotionally involved with the life of this man. He was always very kind in his messages and very insightful and at times very sick (so I thought). I started to ponder and question some things that didn’t add up and started to investigate him further. It turns out – the entire thing was a lie – every word of what he said was a complete and total lie for attention. I felt really stupid for getting so emotionally involved and falling so deeply for the lies and wasting my time being concerned for his health and sickness. After corresponding for months, he had to come clean and tell me the truth.
But I learned some big lessons. Be extremely careful who you network with or socialize with online. Keep things light – unless you’ve met the person. It goes the same for relationships – and I don’t recommend meeting someone and creating a dramatic romance (all online). If you like someone in person and have met, that is one thing – if you like someone online they may not be the same old charming person when you see them face-to-face.
How to Do a Background Check
If you are having problems, concerns or doubts about someone, you can always do a background check. You do not need to pay to get details on their past criminal record or history. I know to some people this may sound absurd, but it may save some heartache and keep someone safe. Before I go on a date, I usually lookup the person going on the date with to see if they are criminals. 
My friends think that is hilarious, but it has saved me some problems. Not everyone knows how to find the correct method of looking someone up – so here it is.
First, you need to know what county the person resides in (or has resided in prior to where he/she now lives). When you do a background check you need to know the county in order to find the records. If the person moves to a new county, most likely there will be nothing on the records of the new county (just the one the person moved from, if crimes were committed there). So, go to Google and type in “XXXXX County Circuit Court Access XXXXX State.” Replace the first XXXXX with the name of the county and the last XXXXX with the name of the State (and don’t use quotes). If you cannot find the website that way, then try another search in Google “XXXXX State Circuit Court Access.” Don’t search for the county, but just the state. Then click on the court website, and find a link to do a case search or party search. Type in the last name and first name – and you’ll have your results. When I lived in Wisconsin, I had several friends I could not locate and wanted to find. After searching all the social networking websites with no luck, I did searches in their county circuit court websites. I then found them. They didn’t have criminal records but a few speeding tickets – so I was able to find them through the background check.
25 Responses to “Social Networking & False Internet Personas”
Leave a Reply
Jenna
04. Jun, 2009
You are so right Holly. You have to be so careful. Its very hard when your info is all over the web and you are trying to brand yourself and at the same time protect yourself from dishonest people.
I used to be so trusting of everyone, but unfortunately I realized that not everyone can be trusted. We tend to think that everyone is like us and this is not the case. I like your idea of “pre-date screening” lol. I think it is great.
Sorry you went through that situation. I hate it when people take advantage of those who try to see the best in others and help them out. It happens a lot. Its sad that these dishonest people make it harder for the honest people who really need help to actually be trusted.
Thanks for the post and for your honesty
Holly
04. Jun, 2009
Thank YOU Jenna! Sometimes I think people take advantage of others who seem nice or appear to be naive (even if the person is not naive at all). If someone thinks you are so kind – sometimes they think they can do whatever they like and you’ll just fall for it (like what happened with the guy who was fake terminally ill). People may be truly kind but it doesn’t make them stupid! I wish people could at least be real to who they are.But if they don’t know who they are – I guess that is no possible! It’s too complicated!!!
Hopefully the background check thing may help some people. It’s also a good idea to checkout the criminals near where you live – ie: registered sex offenders (esp if you have kids). My neighbor is a registered sex offender and I know that because I did a search here: http://www.nvsexoffenders.gov/. I feel better knowing the truth – so I can be more careful with my son.
Davin - The Viral Sanctuary
04. Jun, 2009
Wow….wow…wow. Holly, you never told me that Bill wasn’t for real. At least I don’t recall you telling me that.
Although, I will admit that the stories I heard about Bill did seem a little far fetched a few times. I often wondered what ever happened to Bill. I guess now I know!
Well, this is a great article Holly, and it contains some very helpful information for people. It’s also very true. I’ve come across a few people online myself, who weren’t remotely close to who they claimed to be. It’s a crazy world sometimes.
I’m really happy you shared that Holly…and thanx..now I know what happened to Bill!
Davin
Davin – The Viral Sanctuarys last blog post..Your Blog As A Lead Generator
Holly
04. Jun, 2009
Maybe I was too upset at the time to tell you!
I am not sure why I didn’t tell you what happened – so much was going on in my life then too (in Thailand). It is pretty insane stuff though. I could never imagine that someone would make up something like that. In a way I feel stupid but this stuff happens – and I felt I should tell the world about it! 
Maybe it will help others avoid situations like that one.
It’s great hearing from you Davin!!!!
Dustin
04. Jun, 2009
I think that’s one of the most disappointing things about people – that they feel the need to lie…sometimes for no reason at all.
I was approached online, a long time ago, by someone who made it sound like they just wanted to have a friendly chat. This person was supposedly a kid who was extremely overweight and didn’t have many friends and just wanted someone to talk to. He had this whole story about how he came to be overweight and often shared that he hated his lack of control in eating and felt like he should end it all. I truly felt for the kid and did my best to offer good, Christian advice to him.
Then one day, out of nowhere, he decides to tell me that the whole thing was a ruse. He wasn’t overweight, he wasn’t suicidal, he was just some kid who was bored and decided to play a joke on some stranger on the ‘net. I told him that I not only didn’t think it was funny, but that I no longer wished to talk to him at all. The REALLY absurd thing was that he wanted to maintain some kind of online friendship and when I blocked him on my buddy list, he would sign in with a different name and ask me why I blocked him. It got so obnoxious that I finally had to make my buddy list exclusive so that no one could contact me unless they were on my buddy list.
I just don’t understand the desire to tell a bunch of lies.
As for the background checks and the sex offender websites – you just cannot be too careful in this day and age. It’s a sad, but all-too-true fact. Kudos to you, Holly, for being alert, not only for your sake, but for your son’s sake!
Dustins last blog post..Why You Shouldn’t Follow Me On Twitter
Holly
04. Jun, 2009
WOW Dustin that sounds all too familiar. After I discovered Bill’s story was all a lie – I told him not to contact me again. He still to this day sends me e-mails. I have blocked them or redirected them right to the trash bin in my e-mail. I’ve gotten to know a couple people like that online and I find it really strange that after all that has happened – they would still attempt to make contact with me all the time. I don’t understand it but I am happy to have had my eyes opened to the truth.
Anna
05. Jun, 2009
I remember that Bill saga – what a nut. The funny thing is, practically none of us have ever met each other but I hardly think any of you are fake. (Except Dustin).
But with some people you get a kind of a creepy feeling. Well sometimes you get creepy feelings because the person is creepy and sometimes its because of something else. So its not necessarily a reliable indicator. But it is one not to ignore completely.
Its not just people pretending to be fake people, they also pretend to be real people. I’m concerned about something else. When you sign up for affiliate programs you have to input name and SS#. So then people can steal your identity. Maybe we should post more about this to make sure people know to be careful …
Annas last blog post..My Favorite Since 2006 – Personal Review
Anna
05. Jun, 2009
Oh – Dustin, I was kidding
Irish Tom
05. Jun, 2009
Hi Holly
Another great article and so very true. I guess we could all tell a story similair and it is sad there are people out there who have nothing better to do.
Those are great ways to check out someone. (Must see if I am there..haha)
Funny story about me.
In 1999 when I was visiting my daughter in Tempe,AZ I fell in love with the place. Short time later I went on line to check out job prospects and met my now American wife’s daughter. She gave me some of the info I needed but said her Mom had travelled a lot more and would have better info.
I started to correspond with her Mom Cheryl and after a few months we got to know each other very well.We were both single and had the same crazy sense of humor.
But I freaked her out when I happened to describe a copper horse in Scottsdale Old Town just outside an old Schoolhouse Museum which I didn’t know at the time was just a few hundred yards from her work. Cheryl and all her staff were convinced I was not in ireland writing, but a weirdo stalker living near her work.
Boy, did I have a time trying to convince her I was real.
That August I hopped on a plane and arranged to meet her with her daughter and half her staff at an Olive Garden in Scottsdale.
Glad to report everyone was very happy and we are together nine very happy years and after living in Ireland for four years we are now now living in Central CA for the last five and I am loving it.
Great to hear all your comments
Kind regards
Have a great weekend
Tom
Irish Tom
05. Jun, 2009
Hi Guys
Quick follow up on different subject.
How can I upload my photo on to this page. Have it on the other sites.
Thank you
Tom
Dustin
07. Jun, 2009
Anna – I only PRETEND to be someone faking my identity! Wow, how’s that for a statement that messes with your mind?
Dustins last blog post..Why You Shouldn’t Follow Me On Twitter
bill
07. Jun, 2009
First I want to tell you that I am “Bill” from the post above. That is not my actual real name but that is honestly what my friends call me by. My given name is William and my family calls me Jaime because my middle name is James. I currently live in Ohio and I am not an old man or kid but a very average guy in my early 30′s.
About a year ago I received an email from a woman named Holly Mann. I had previously purchased Holly’s product several years ago but quite honestly I knew very little about her other than receiving an occasional email since I was one of her lists. In her email she was updating everyone about the release of the final version of Honest Riches as well as mentioning that Davin would be releasing a viral marketing product.
I am an engineer by trade but I also had a relatively successful forex trading business up until the economy took a turn for the worse. In the fall of 2007 there was a paradigm shift in the profitability of the trading business that first signaled the downturn in the economy that we all are currently experiencing.
Digging further into the past I must disclose that for the 7 years preceding the fall of 2007 I was a recovering drug addict. I guess “7 years went under the bridge like time was standing still” -OMD says it in “If You Leave” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XJfKyHR5-1M …(seems like a love or goodbye song I know…but the drugs made me think and feel I would be addicted again someday as if it was calling me)
When I was 17 and ran away to Baltimore, Maryland to escape a troubled home life that I could not live another minute in. While in Baltimore I got a job working at a retail store watching the security cameras for 12 hours a day. The best part of my existence then and maybe EVER was being able to go down to the harbor and watch the seals swim late at night when I got off of work. Eventually I started going to the local hangouts downtown in the area known as the “block” – Inevitably I got involved with a group of people who were heavily into snorting heroin. I became one of those people too. I have a younger sister who has almost always been my only real family. When I ran away I left her behind and after 4 months that was too much for me to handle so I returned home.
To make a long story short I finished high school and after a few years and 4 rehabs later I was clean and went to college and started a career in Alexandria, Virginia with an engineering firm. Soon after I started trading penny stocks part-time and became quite good at it so I moved on to forex where I was able to net between $6000-$14,000 per month average until the fall of 2007 when things tanked. I didn’t handle it very well and I sunk back into the depths of drug abuse. When I told Holly I was terminally ill and it would be my last testimonial it was not true. It was because I was too ashamed to admit that I was drug addict who had just about lost everything and saw no light of day other than feeling I would not be around much longer. I honestly believed she would accept the testimonial and that would be the end of it. But that didn’t happen. She emailed me back and showed genuine concern about my situation so I told her about what it was like to be alone and an addict but my excuse was a terminal illness. I truly was sick very often and sent her accounts of it with excuses that it was part of my illness.
I honestly wish I would have simply hit the close icon on that email Holly sent me over one year ago…even if it meant my life would have taken a more tragic course than it has now. After a few emails Holly and I became really close and she helped me overcome my addiction but throughout everything she thought I was getting better from the terminal illness. Holly knew something was amiss because after we became really close I didn’t want to talk about my health anymore. I was so afraid of hurting and losing her because I loved her and was in love with her. I was very ashamed of what I had done. You know if this were some sort of movie I would have told her and things would have worked out “Happily Ever After” but in real life it doesn’t work that way. Not when there real emotions involved. Real deceit. When trust is broken it is nearly impossible to ever regain.
“Journey we more into the nightmare. Enter the sweet forest. Enter again the Hot Dream Everything is broken up and Dances”
I told Holly many times I was bad at relationships and a poor decision maker. My dishonesty went no further than the illness part and what I am able to elaborate on…
Previously Holly had told me that she would never be involved or close to a married man so I made the decision on June 30, 2008 to tell her I was married with 3 or 4 kids – not true. Big lie #2. I don’t know why I didn’t just tell her about my addiction. Maybe when I said it I was still in denial and not capable of coming to grips with the reality that I was a drug addict and should admit it (clean for 2.5 months now, btw). I knew telling her that would end it between Holly but after I told her I knew it was a mistake.
Back to the present tense again…
Holly and I no longer talk, are friends, or otherwise. I have emailed her but she never responds. I would not want her to and I would not either if I were her. I am very sorry for not being honest. If I had ever known that they were really people in the World that no matter what the situation was – as long as you were honest – they would still stand behind you as a friend or a lover- then things would have been different. People like Holly Mann.
I have wanted to tell her this for a long time. And now that I have learned to put all of my faith in God and not others or drugs or even myself… I can. But I wanted to wish her and Josh the best and let her know I am truly so very sorry for everything. Holly is a very endearing person to me and I cared about her ALOT. I have only visited her websites a few times but I know she has helped many people and is very giving to those that need help. Ironically I happened to visit her website honestholly.com for the 2nd or 3rd time yesterday and read this post. I wanted to respond though knowing it would make things seem even worse and would make more people upset at me. I know I was wrong and deserve it. I am truly very sorry. bill
annaverawilliams
08. Jun, 2009
Thank you for the additional data you supplied here. It does put a different light on things. It took courage to comment on this post considering what was written here and that’s admirable.
It also took courage for Holly to write about her experience. I think you learned from it, she learned from it, and others have learned from it as well.
From what you say it doesn’t look like your intentions were bad or that you were trying to take advantage of anyone, hurt anyone’s feelings, or even play a game, but that you could not bring yourself to say the truth about your situation and so felt that you could resolve that by changing the story.
The ironic thing is that most people reading it will probably even wonder if your recent explanation is true, since you have said things in the past that weren’t. Not that we don’t want to believe it, but how do we know?
It boils down to a point of trust. When you make statements that aren’t true it can cause trouble you didn’t anticipate (like the jealous girl one of the videos I will link to here) and causes people to lose trust. Think how the girl in the other video would have felt about her dad if things had turned out differently – it wouldn’t have helped much for him to tell her about his problems at the office.
I am glad that you seem to have learned from what happened.
annaverawilliamss last blog post..My Favorite Since 2006 – Personal Review
annaverawilliams
08. Jun, 2009
Oh sorry – here are the videos I was referring to:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9KZXdelY29o
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wj2b_sqLSb8
annaverawilliamss last blog post..My Favorite Since 2006 – Personal Review
Anthony
08. Jun, 2009
I think Holly makes an excellent point here, and as for the comment from Bill, an interesting read but I have a hard time believing it. I find it rather ironic, that “by accident” he just found the site the other day, and by “coincidentally” she had just posted this story.
Way to many coincidences to my liking. Additionally I find it strange that you would not have visited this site before if you were so interested in Holly. Its not like this site is hard to find.
Its not that I don’t believe people can’t change or set things right. But a simple apology would be more on order rather than a new amazing set of circumstances which explain or justify why the lies were made in the first place.
Seeing the stories that went before I am hard put to place any faith in the stories you are telling now.
As for friendships and relationships, they are all built on trust. My friends are those who I can turn to in my hour of need and who back me up under any circumstances, likewise they know that they will receive the same support from me, regardless of circumstances. Friendships can not be built upon lies.
Dustin
09. Jun, 2009
Bill,
There is a part of me that wants to commend you for posting and there is a part of me that cannot help but wonder about your motive. Your post sounds very sincere and honest – the problem is, I’m sure you sounded honest in the past.
You, yourself, said it best – “When trust is broken it is nearly impossible to ever regain.” Having experienced something similar, I know how hard it is to trust the little things when something so big was just a lie. It’s very hard to read/hear what’s said without wondering what parts are true and what parts are not.
That said, I encourage you to continue to place your faith in God and God alone. The truth is, that is the only relationship in your life that will ever TRULY matter. The great news is that Christ is capable of 100% forgiveness. So while it might be difficult for the rest of us, who are only human, to read your post without wondering, God knows your heart and if your post is genuine and sincere, then I’m sure He is pleased with your post.
I’m sorry if it seems that I am “over-spiritualizing” – I just hope that, if your words are true, you can find some encouragement here despite what else may be said. I hope the best for you, Bill.
Dustins last blog post..Why You Shouldn’t Follow Me On Twitter
annaverawilliams
09. Jun, 2009
I think Anthony and Dustin have echoes my thoughts – in varying degrees of intensity. It reminds me of a common problem (especially for girls, I suspect) where you want to help, but you also don’t want to find out later that you were misled, and then feel like an idiot.
Sometimes you try to help someone and later find out they were not being truthful, and you feel dumb. Sometimes you restrain from helping because you don’t want to later find out you were an idiot, and then you find out that this time it was real. So people can get into a tangle on this stuff.
Being alert to facts, data, and “things that just don’t add up” can be helpful. I have also found that when I am uncertain, its good to have another person to ask – someone who is good at spotting illogics and who might be more exterior to the situation you are in, and thus might notice things which you missed. This can also apply to people you meet online.
Not to alarm, but it does illustrate exactly what Holly is warning about in her post – I was just at my local cafe after I posted the above comment, and happened to see a sad story on the front page of the newspaper. A woman had trusted a stranger she met online, and had allowed the person to pick her up and drive her to the stranger’s home. Sadly, that woman lost her life. Most of us are a lot smarter than that – but there are degrees of everything.
As always, it’s important to strike a balance of friendliness and security. Help others but without letting your guard down. Be alert and aware of potential consequences in what you do. This alone will help keep you safe.
annaverawilliamss last blog post..My Favorite Since 2006 – Personal Review
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09. Jun, 2009
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Jenny
09. Jun, 2009
Holly,
This is a wonderful post to spread. It is so very true people online and off may not be what they seem to be.
In the past few years I have recommended to many to do a background with their local judicial courts online.
Thank you so much for the great post, it is retweet worthy (not that your others are not:)
bill
13. Jun, 2009
Thanks Anna, Dustin, and Anthony. Take Care and God Bless.
bill
mrbilltillery[at]yahoo.com
‘Strange what desire will make foolish people do’
http://tinyurl.com/cvvezo
Aimee
13. Jun, 2009
Anna I would say he is not a nut at ALL. He is more of a FRUITCAKE! Trust me. I was with a drug addict for over 2 years and I heard the same types of lies (excuses) that were told here and then some. What a lo lo loser! People do things to themselves and then blame a bad upbringing or peer pressure or stress for everything they consciously do to themselves. I have no sympathy for bill or anyone else that does these things. Aimee
Dave
18. Jun, 2009
As a person with a period I’ll call “Dave’s Wild Years”, and now sober from drink and drugs for 21+ years, Bill’s post here is compelling… it would seem.
Bill… The best outcome here, is that, hopefully, you have learned a lesson through your experience.
I’ve helped countless folks recover over the last 21 years, and I’ll echo what Dustin said above… I question your motives for posting here. One of the things alkies and drug addicts have a hard time doing is dealing with their guilt over the wrongs they have done… unless they truly recover, get down to the bone honest, and quit living totally self absorbed lives, they continue to want to expunge their burning guilt BY BURDENING THE ONE THEY HAVE LIED TO WITH THE TRUTH.
If what you say above is true… if you ever really cared about Holly… I’ll give you the straight scoop on the best possible thing you can do to make things right. If you take this medicine, you WILL get better.
I not saying this generally… I am saying it to YOU Bill
Holly, forgive my being so forward here with the following… I don’t presume to speak for you.
Bill, if what you said above is true, pray to the Almighty for the “Gift of Desperation”, and then:
1. If you care… leave Holly alone, and don’t ever contact her again. You started things with a lie… despite your own struggles, you lied and caused a hurt to a very kind hearted woman, who deserved no less than the truth.
If you re-read your above post, you will find some seriously twisted logic. In essence, you have posited that it is OKAY to lie to SOME people, if their truth is they will NOT have contact with you anymore if they know you are a drug addict.
That is one hell of a free license, don’t you think?
2. Do not Lie, Cheat, or Steal anymore. Get into recovery, and get a sponsor that won’t put up with your bulls**t or excuses when you don’t “feel” like doing the hard work.
3. Bill, you need to realize, that your very life depends on helping others for “Fun and for Free”, with no expectation of return. Drug addiction and alcoholism is a disease of EXTREME self centered habitual thinking… me…me…me…
4. Get serious about recovery, and helping others. Work the Steps. Learn to be genuine and become a “giver” not a “taker”. Giving is not using the currency of your emotional pain to ply the good natured spirit of others.
Being a giver, and in recovery, is finally coming to know, that being dishonest has become so habituated, that you frankly have a hard time knowing when you are just on the take, in service to your own emotional malfunctions.
If you get serious about recovery, work steps, trust God and clean house, and for cripes sake get a tough sponsor that can read right through your BS, your life will get good and very different QUICKLY.
I predict, that if you do the above and have a good sponsor, when you get to the making amends step (9), any sponsor who’s worth a damn will tell you the best amends you can make to Holly is to leave her the hell alone.
My intent is not to be or sound mean, Bill. Your problem has never been the ruse you built into a prison with a dear friend… your problem is your inability to recognize that your own pain has become a sufficient motive to Lie and Steal… and yes, there was theft here for a fact.
I, for one, wish you well. You can have a life better than you can even imagine, if you’re willing to do the hard work to have it. Get better dude… then help others get better too.
Now GET THE HELL OUT of HERE, and get on with helping someone else and recovering.
Dave
Dave
18. Jun, 2009
P.S. …to Holly and this community, I might just add, that I’m sorry if I sounded preachy or harsh with Bill. Tonight is the first time I have even looked you up Holly in close to a year.
Tonight, I just bought Honest Riches… again. I bought it awhile back… I bought it again for one simple reason Holly… I just love your generous spirit, warmth, and the kindness you put forth to those you meet along the way.
Sure your sales process helped me along
But I shouldn’t have spent the money, but I HAD to.
You give folks the benefit of the doubt straight up. Although that can be really disappointing when folks take advantage of your good nature… YOU DO REALLY GOOD WORKS HOLLY. You really are a blessing to those around you.
I hope you and Josh are thriving and prosperous Holly, and thanks for the book. It looks like it is WAY more in depth than the previous version I own.
Peace and Love
Dave
Holly
18. Jun, 2009
Thanks to everyone for all the comments and discussions. I didn’t really have anything to say – until now. Thank you Dave for the advice you gave. I agree with it all – especially this: You can have a life better than you can even imagine, if you’re willing to do the hard work to have it. You’re right. Sometimes the truth hurts – and I think what you said is true. Thank you Dave for being a friend. It’s good to see you’re back and frequenting my website. Please keep in touch ok. Holly
Dave
19. Jun, 2009
Hi Holly… It’s good to catch up with you and yours…
I will stay in touch.
Dave