My Success is not about Money – real personal story
Posted on 13. Aug, 2008 by Holly in Blunt Honesty, Interesting, Success
When I started working online, I was purely desperate to make money. My son was my main motivation to keep going, when tired and when really struggling. At that time, it was not about helping others but about purely selfish monetary gain (to survive and eventually thrive). I’m being bluntly honest with my post here. When I started out with my ventures online, I was not looking out for others, but only for my son and myself. When I discovered that I was capable of making money online and the income began to rise, several things changed with me.
It’s difficult to recall why I decided to share the techniques I was using, and to create a book about it. But, I did it and I started to receive e-mails with words of appreciation. My outlook changed with each e-mail that I received. My selfishness that helped produce the income, needed to be pushed aside in order to keep thriving. It’s hard to explain what I mean, but I realized that helping others would not stop me from making an income. Helping others, and having them pass it on by helping more people, just had incredible positive viral results. It inspired and motivated me to keep going and to keep giving and learning to help others as well.
When I first started working online and seeing a little money coming in, I would check my PayPal account and Clickbank account every day; sometimes several times per day. To see that I was earning anything, was thrilling and exciting to me. I think part of me was in love with it all, and I was much too selfish then. Years passed, and I am fortunate to still be making money online, helping others & learning. It’s so hard to keep up with Internet Marketing, but I sure try to. My outlook, my life, my goals, my passions and plans have all changed since the time when I started working online.
To be wealthy financially is one thing; to be wealthy within is quite another.
I’ve shared so much of my personal life, struggles and stories online with my blog and through interviews. I’ve touched on one topic, but so briefly; as to not offend anyone. Being brought up in America, we are taught to try to be politically correct and not speak of things such as religion and politics. But, I’ve been living overseas for some time now and it’s been far too long since I shared this. Before I begin, I want to say that I respect people of other cultures and religions. I am not saying anything negative about anyone else’s personal choices & preferences or beliefs. I’m definitely not trying to spark an angry online debate about religion or anything of the sort. I just want to share some extremely personal stories of events that have occurred in my life. They are what has shaped my life. The things that have happened; I feel extremely blessed and grateful for each and every one (all good and all bad). I will not tell my whole life story here, as it will be a completely disaster and take 100s of pages to explain. I also don’t want to make any family members feel bad (if by chance, they read this). If they do, I just want them and everyone else to know that I feel no anger, pain or loss from my childhood. What happened is done – and I am just happy to be alive and where I am at today; in some type of position to help others in some way. I am grateful for all of the childhood events, and happy everyone survived through it all.
The Childhood: we’ve all had one, and many are quite rough. My childhood memories are ones of being alone. My parents did the best they could; but they were both alcoholics and abusive towards one another. We moved constantly. I witnessed two people who I loved immensely, display the deepest hatred I have ever seen between two people. I have two older siblings and they were there as well. Divorce between the parents happened when I was 9 years old – it ended with almost the loss of two lives. I will not go further into that. Afterwards, move after move commenced and there was no stability, no money and no parental guidance for years.
Something happened when I was 11-years-old and living at a tiny apartment in Wauwatosa, Wisconsin. My mom and her boyfriend were fighting and arguing and the situation escalated. You have to understand, in situations that become escalated in a home that is already fully violent and aggressive – it is serious. I knew in my heart and felt that this would be it. I envisioned myself waking up in the morning to find my mom lying dead. I am sorry to say – but I knew something terrible was going to happen this time. I was not brought up in church or taught of God at all. But for some reason, as I sat crying in my room, I prayed. I just said “Help me God.” I said is several times but I still heard the screaming until I said “Help me Jesus.” Immediately there was a Dead Silence throughout the apartment. At the very second I said Jesus the entire place was SILENT. I felt ok for a second and peaked out of my room. The boyfriend was gone and my mom seemed to be “magically” not drunk and said she was ok and not to worry. I felt such a peace for the first time in my life. At that time, with no religious coaching or guidance (other than the experience) I believed in God – specifically in Jesus. The peace remained and life took its toll on me as time passed.
I was 14-years-old when the next major life-altering experience happened. We moved numerous times and my mom re-married someone. We lived in a townhouse in Wauwatosa and I hung out at the local Amoco gas station to try to get “food.” I only remember having chips and dip at home (for some odd reason) and I’d go to Amoco and try to ask this 26-year-old guy named Shane (who worked there) if I could stock the shelves to get “food.” He actually let me – and the “food” consisted of Laffy Taffy’s and Gummy Bears. I ate that stuff day in and day out for several days in a row before becoming ill. 
I hung out with kids at school who had serious issues as well; into witchcraft and had parents who were into some serious drugs. I wasn’t happy with my life and situation and I listened to the song “Runaway Train,” by Soul Asylum over and over and over again. Behind my home were railroad tracks and I planned my escape; I was going to runaway by getting on a train and leaving. I would have gone, if it weren’t for what happened on January 1st of 1997.
Over Christmas time in 1996, I went to my Aunt Barbara’s home in Las Vegas, Nevada. She owned a Christian book store and she needed helping conducting yearly inventory for the store. She paid for me to go there and to do the work, and I needed the money and the time away. When I was there, she didn’t try to “convert” me or anything like that. But, I started to become curious and ask her questions. I was very child-like in my questions and approach, as all the terminology related to it was foreign to me. I even remember asking her what the word “repent” meant and I was excited to understand more about God. She gave me my first Bible – along with a stack of other books that I read. She told her friend that I was like a sponge, trying to soak up everything I could. I left Las Vegas and flew back to Wisconsin. My first night back, everyone was asleep upstairs in the townhouse. I was downstairs, sitting on the couch, with a large stack of books piled up next to me. It was New Year’s Eve and I was reading and creating a bracelet on an Indian bead-weaving loom I got for Christmas.
I picked up one of my books (although the name is really irrelevant, it was called “Pray it again Sam”) and I read the first page of it. It had some type of prayer or meditation that it asked the reader to do. For the second time in my entire life (or first official time) I prayed. I clasped my hands together and began to pray. IMMEDIATELY God came to me at 1:13 am on January 1st of 1997. The situation was more real to me than anything I have ever experienced in my entire life. No words needed to be spoken, as I could feel each and every message through my entire being. I was crying a cleansing cry, that didn’t stop throughout the whole experience. I felt the most incredible love, the most incredible and indescribable peace and joy I have ever known. I NEVER knew that God was real before that day. Every horrible experience and everything that I had endured as a young child and things I had done to hurt others – it was all wiped clean. I felt, for a brief moment – all of those things. I felt all of the things I had done to hurt others; all the lies I told and all the things I had done. In another instant I felt JESUS – specifically felt JESUS forgive me of all the sins. I cried more and more for the fact that I was happy to be free from it all. I looked at the clock at some point in the situation (or right before I prayed) so I knew it was 1:13 am. After that, and through what happened, I felt NO TIME and NO SENSE OF TIME or anything of the sort. I felt a taste of boundless and endless and timeless peace and love. It was something I had never known before from anyone or anything. That day, God gave me a gift that I cannot properly describe even if I try (which I am trying to do! LOL). God gave me life and innocence that would have been forever lost. God taught me of true love and how to love for others and FORGIVE. God saved my life that day – and it really is the day my life began. I was a new person. Everyone knew something miraculous had happened and how drastically I had changed. God gave me an awareness (self awareness) like nothing I had ever experienced before. I felt God’s presence with me and alongside me through my daily tasks, cleaning and interactions. I was painfully aware of what I said and did, and became bluntly honest as a result.
Years passed and struggles occurred, but my faith in God has only grown. It’s taken me a long time to become truly comfortable in sharing my story and telling others. I am not ashamed, but proud to share it. If I were to keep it to myself, then I would be such a selfish person; one who cares more about what others think than about helping people. I am sharing this with you because I want you to know what set my life free. What made me happy and gave my life a peace. If you ever meet someone and get an overwhelming sense of love, light or peace or incredible impression from them – most often, that person has found the peace and happiness that can only be found in God and allowing God to be in your life. All I did was pray for God to be in my life – and God was there – just waiting for that day and that time. I think honestly, that I am extremely fortunate because some people live with such strong faith; with never having had any outward miraculous encounters. They are stronger than I am and I think God approached me, because I would not have found God solely on my own. I had no personal influences who knew of God then. I think it’s not about religion but about what is real and God-given and made. I believe that we are all made by God and need to care more for each other and truly try to love each other like brothers and sisters. The world is full of violence, war and other dark things – as well as beauty and peace. But, sometimes we need to really arm ourselves with the love and prayers and brotherhood of others – to really keep the light shining above all else. So, I love you all for reading this and I know it is very long. It is something very personal to me. Since that time, many more beautiful and miraculous things have happened. I feel blessed. I want everyone to know of such love and peace. Not only now – but FOREVER .
WHEN I WAS 14, I HAD HAND-WRITTEN MY EXPERIENCE. MY WONDERFUL MOTHER SAVED IT FOR ME AND I RECENTLY GOT IT BACK, SCANNED IT IN AND WILL UPLOAD IT FOR YOU. YOU MAY HAVE TO VIEW IT IN FULL SCREEN TO SEE IT CLEARLY.
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TheDavinator
13. Aug, 2008
Holly, thank you so much for sharing that. That really hit home. I have to respond to that and say a couple of things as well in response.
I haven’t had the chance to share a few parts of my life with you at all. Actually…just due to, it never came up.
I also, grew up in an alcoholic family. My father had a very serious drinking problem. He was also a cop…or policeman, whichever you prefer. My Dad, at one time, used to investigate homicides and as a result, I think he used to bring a lot of his work home with him.
My Dad is a fantastic guy, but back then, the booze had the best of him. I remember as a kid, the fighting that used to be occurring downstairs had myself and my sister very scared. I remember a lot of the time, we moreless cried ourselves to sleep in those days. We were kids, so I guess things back then scared us a lot more than perhaps they should have.
Right here, right now, is the first time I’ve ever written about this to anyone, but, when I was 13 there was a turning point that happened in my family.
When I was 13, my Dad came home drunk and had a huge fight with my mother. It was so scary at the time, that my Mom called friends so I could go and spend the night at their place instead of being in the house. She made arrangements for me to camp in the back yard of my friend Todd’s house at the time. My sister, ended up going to her friend Lisa’s house.
Later on, about 4 a.m. in the morning, my mother showed up in the back yard of Todd’s house where we were camping. She told me to grab my things, as we were leaving to go stay in a hotel for the night.
What had occurred that night..I’ll never forget. My Dad, pulled out his revolver…you know..he was a cop. He had his service gun with him at all times. He put the gun to his own head an threatened to shoot himself right there in front of my Mom. I’m not sure exactly what she had said to make him stop, but, it was enough that “he didn’t do it”. When he had passed out, and she felt it was safe to leave, is when she came and collected my sister and myself.
My mother and myself have always been very close. Some things of those times back then are a little fuzzy, but, I remember at the hotel in which we were staying, my mother grabbed me and hugged me very close, and said, “Thank you Davin, so much, if it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t of had the strength to do this.” I guess she was referring to walking away from him, and having the power to stand on her own two feet.
Well, to make the long story short Holly. That whole episode and night is what changed my family forever. My father came out of his drunkedness the next day. What he had done the night prior scared himself so much, that he sought out help that he needed. He joined AA, and hasn’t had a drink since.
After he had been sober for a month or so, we moved back in with him. It was a roller coaster ride, but, he finally found his peace. I will say, today, I’m very proud of my “old man” for finding the strength within himself to change his life for the better.
Ok….so here is where the story gets more interesting Miss Holly…..
Please, bare with me here….
I began playing in clubs with bands when I was 17. I was still in highschool and would play at night, and still make it to school in the morning.
With that, obviously came being around a lot of booze, drinkers, and the whole partying lifestyle.
Like my father, I fell into that life for many years. As a matter of fact, I feel very fortunate to still be around. There are days and memories that I have, that completely amaze me….as to how..I didn’t end up dying as a result of the many things that used to go on back then. It was a lot of years of “silly struggle”, but, thank god I’m here to tell my story about it now.
With my last relationship, that life….took my ex. She ended up so screwed up that it basically was the whole demise of everything. I seen it take her to depths that I didn’t even know were possible. Very, very frightening..to say the least. She became a person, I didn’t know anymore.
It was shortly after that demise, Miss Holly, that you entered my life.
Your picture Holly, of holding little Josh in your arms on your sales page of Honest Riches 1 will be forever embedded in my mind.
That picture, although may not mean much to you, means the world to me.
The story that went along with it was enough to make me purchase your book. That picture, and your book, gave me hope. It helped me to realize that there was a new life out there for me. The rest…as they say…is history.
When I began to get to know you Holly, and speak with you, back and forth, it was even more verification that the world still had beauty in it. It still had a beauty that I wanted to investigate even more. It also gave me the “will and power” to put my demons behind me. Your book, and getting to know you were “literally” life altering for me.
I know I’ve told you this in the past, and, perhaps you just didn’t let it quite sink in. Although, you innocently don’t know how you did it….but..”You saved my life, Holly”
I strongly believe that if I hadn’t found online marketing, and the friendships that came along with it, I’m not really sure I’d be sitting here typing this.
Your friendship, in particular, has been the catalyst for changing my life in so many positive ways that I can’t even begin to describe them.
I’m glad you shared your story with us here Holly. I would write more, but, the rest is a little to personal, and you “know” anyway. Thank you for everything!
Oddly enough Holly, although I didn’t sing many songs in bands, I used to sing and perform “Runaway Train” nightly.
Cheers, and…you know…
Davin
Holly
13. Aug, 2008
Dear Davin, Thank you. Thank you for being so real and honest and sharing all of that with me (and the world). First, I must say I am so happy and proud of your dad! And of you. Thank God you both are alright and no longer drink. It is incredibly difficult to give up when you’ve relied on alcohol for so long. How old are you now Davin? The incident you described was nearly identical to mine – except I was there for the situation and a couple things were different from yours. My sister called the police (thank God) and it was strange that she did (as the fighting was so violent everyday). Then my mom took my siblings and I and we left town. My wonderful brother is the only one who completely stays away from alcohol now. Thank God for that…I also do not drink but I did (when I was in the army). I stopped completely and won’t touch it at all ever. Other than that, Davin I think it really sunk in with me this time. What you said about how meeting me could have saved your life. It is hard for me to hear such a thing. I am just so thankful to know you and have you in my life too. I was thinking about you earlier and wondering about what your life had been like years before. You are really blessed – through all you went through because you are an incredibly kind and caring person. I have never known anyone else like you. I will forever be grateful. I could go on and on..but i will leave it at that. Thank you for sharing so much Davin.
TheDavinator
13. Aug, 2008
Thanx for the response Holly. I’ve been wanting to share that with you for a while, but, I guess we’ve never had the chance in our many conversations. I’m happy you now have the bigger picture. How old am I? My lord…I thought you knew that already! You are 16 years my junior Holly, except for the few days in September that devide us. I was born on Sept 21, and you on the 1st I believe. I guess I was probably taking my drivers test when you were seeing the world with your eyes for the first time. Although 16 years older, I don’t feel it. It seems once we all become adults time becomes a little less important in many ways. My mom summed it up pretty good one day. “When you become an adult, your mind pretty much stays at the point where it is when you become an adult”. Meaning, your body gets older, but, your mind sort of stays 21. LOL…..anyways…thanx again Holly. Talk to you soon.
Davin
JK Swopes
13. Aug, 2008
Wow…I just want to thank you Holly for sharing that. It was long but I never felt like leaving, it was truly captivating.
It is one of the quality I love about you, you are such a genuine person. I don’t have a story as such to share, nothing that compares to what you’ve been through…but, we all have our own stories right?
I am in agreement, that Jesus is real and you know I have no shame about it. It is Him that changed me into the person I am today. Again, nothing that compares with your story, but, it’s a story nonetheless!
And Davin, thank you for sharing as well, again, a reason why I love you two. You are so genuine and were the first people to show me the honest side of marketing.
I remember talking to Davin on Holly’s forum, I don’t even remember what I asked, but you answered and gave me some guidance in my journey.
This is the reason you two are on top of my favorite list! Not because you make money and help others, but because you are real people who actually care about the people you come in contact with.
You two have changed my outlook on this whole IM thing, and will ALWAYS have my UNLIMITED support!
thanks!
Holly
13. Aug, 2008
Thank you JK. You and Davin are also my favorite IMarketers for the same reasons you stated. It’s clear that you know God and just that alone is INCREDIBLE. You don’t need any more of a story than that JK.
I am really thankful to know you guys. VERY GRATEFUL – thank you for the comment JK. 
catklc
13. Aug, 2008
Holly, you have an incredible ability to put your heart out there in a way, that allows others like Davin to share something as intimate as his story a little more easily. Thank you Davin, I know that could not have been easy for you either.
It’s clear that you both share some parallels in your lives, which would explain your closeness.
Faith in God, whatever faith that is, can give you the strength to survive the unimagineable (as you both experienced as young children) and for you Holly was also an awakening.. So that faith and “awakening” brought you here, and to us..and I’m glad to have met you..well sort of..(if only you were a little closer..you had to pick Thailand!!lol
Thank you both for those intimate stories..they touched me..
Karen
Lisa Jo
13. Aug, 2008
Hi Holly,
That was an amazing story. I literally cried reading it. My own story with Jesus is a bit different but no less profound. You see my parents weren’t the problem, I was.
I went through something when I was about 10 or 11 (My mind blocked it out). Suffice it to say that it was quite traumatic. I was a really mixed up child after that. My parents didn’t even know.
My mother always had us saying our prayers every night, but it was my grandmother who made Jesus real for me. She lived right next door. I was there with her everyday. She used to bring me in her room and we would kneel looking out the window up towards Heaven. She liked to pray for the souls of the departed.
I’ll never forget this particular day. Not a cloud in the sky. Just beautiful blue everywhere. Then just suddenly there was one cloud in the shape of a hand reaching down. I was deep in prayer when she pointed it out to me. Immediately upon seeing it I got goose-bumps all over. She told me that it was God reaching down for our prayers. I still smile every time I think about it.
To me it was God’s presence. Who else could have created that in the sky? I was a perfect hand! Only Him.
Well, I grew up and made some really bad relationship choices. My ex-husband was into alcohol and other things. I never cared for his lifestyle and we argued constantly over it. I drifted back and forth in my relationship with Jesus alot back then. Yet each time I returned to the Lord, once again he was always there for me. Somehow with God’s grace I made it through 10 years of marriage before I had the strength to leave and start over with my two daughters. They were ages 10 and 5 at the time. I suffered from clinical depression back then.
Single parenting was not easy to do as he stalked me for the first year and a half after I left. I couldn’t cope. I was going to school for Civil Engineering and working nights in a lounge. It was a terrible time. I started drinking and several times ended up having nervous breakdowns. During those times I always turned to the Lord again.
One day it hit me like a brick in the head. The only time I had any peace or that things went well in my life was when I was close to Jesus. I’d drift away, but always returned to his love. I felt guilty about the life choices I had made. I didn’t feel worthy of that special relationship with Jesus. How could I turn away so many times when He was the only one who was true? How stupid could I be?
He never left me, I was the one who kept leaving. I began talking to Jesus and really praying with all of my heart.
Things were still difficult but I looked at everything in a new way. That self awareness you were talking about is something I am not a stranger to. Actually everything you described about what you felt is almost identical to what I experienced.
I have always been a person whom others turn to when they needed help. Mostly the children in our neighborhood or my daughters’ friends. Most of these children were even more messed up than I was. They had family problems similar to yours. My door was always open to them. Even now when I meet up with them they are so happy to let me know how they are doing and to introduce me to their spouses and children.
Jesus did not overlook those times when my heart just literally broke in two for those children. In my time of need all I have to do is ask and he puts me where I need to be. Most times I don’t even need to ask. I understand now that sometimes I have to go through something difficult like living on this 18 wheeler to get me where He wants me to be. It led me to you and Davin.
I understood His purpose for putting you two in my life. The more that I read in the forum the more clear it is. This is Jesus’ way of allowing me to help so many more people. From the confines of this 18 wheeler I can still touch others. In passing on my blessing to others I shall also receive my own blessings.
You and Davin have touched my life in a profound way and I can’t thank you enough for sharing the gifts the Lord has bestowed upon you.
It feels really good to be able to share this all with you. I try to keep up with your posts. I was more than a bit concerned about you and Josh when you wrote about the break-in. My Mommy instincts rose up immediately. So many miles away I couldn’t open my door to you and your son. I did the only thing that I could do and entrusted you both to the Lord. My prayers were answered by the blessings you have received. Know that you are always in my prayers.
More and more every day I see the way Jesus is moving in my life. In fact he answers big prayers and small prayers. It is so very clear to me that I am exactly where I am supposed to be in my walk of life with Jesus.
I tend to get attached to people somewhat quickly. My friends and even some of my family used to say that I overdid it sometimes. I never felt that way and I still don’t. In my way I consider both you and Davin to be part of my extended family. I never forget a kindness.
I can’t even begin to list every way that Jesus has made His presence known and felt in my life. It would take a whole book.
Thank you both for everything you do for me and everyone else.
Many blessings to all
Lisa Jo Ray
Holly
13. Aug, 2008
Dear Lisa Jo,
I just want to have a balanced life for Josh and stability that I never really knew. So far, where we are living is much better than the last place. He has a lot of friends and it is totally safe to ride bikes around and things like that. Lisa Jo, I hope you keep in touch with me ok. You are inspiration!!!
Thank you for posting. The experience you had with your grandmother is touching. You are an incredibly strong woman. Many of the things you said, about trying to do everything on your own and straying from God – I have done the same. Then things start to fall apart and I realized that I should have actually given the situation to God from the start. So, I’ve done the same things but since I have been single for ages it’s given me the time to reflect and fix my life up.
jrs1013
13. Aug, 2008
Wow, it is hard to find really transparent people these days. This is a very nice post and I enjoyed reading it so much. Thank you Holly and Davin for being so candid. Sometimes we often think that we are the only people who have dealt with issues past and present and we do not let people see our weaknesses, but in doing that we help so many people because we realize that we are all just the same and doing our best.
So, that was some past you had Holly. I too, have shared in some of those experiences. My mother and father separated for some time when I was younger, and my life seemed to change as we knew it. I wont go into details, but we went through a very tough time. I moved at least 10 times before the 3rd grade, spending 6 months in one school and leaving for another. My parents before separating declared bankruptcy and we lost everything but the few clothes off our backs.
Well, to make a long story short, my parents eventually got back together at a “chance” meeting years later and we all took what we had and moved to NY. Unfortunately, we were still poor, and my parents were dealing with a side issue (they were falsely accused and arrested for something they did not do). SO needless to say, things were better but not great.
Anyways, this is where my family “met” Jesus so to speak, and it had changed my parents lives so much that even as a kid I wondered what was up. So I started going to church with them and they enrolled me in a Christian school. I became close to God during those years, but it wasn’t till I was 18 that I experienced what you did Holly.
I was in a car accident that spun my car around 5 times and hit a pole. I was hit by a drunk driver. It was a very scary experience. From that time on, my life changed. I was so in despair, for I was a dancer and I wasn’t able to do it at the time because I injured my knees. I found God in a way that has changed my life forever. That experience you had where you felt the love so deep is when I really knew God was real and He became the closest thing in my life from that point on.
I am 33 now and I have since moved to California, but I can access that presence of Jesus whenever I need or want and that is so priceless to me. Just to think that God would be with me whenever I call on Him. I agree, Holly, it is not about religion or your background, as I have realized over the years. We should never judge another human being, period! My relationship with Jesus is my anchor in life and I am so thankful that I know Him now.
So thanks guys for your stories, I just had to share a little of mine. You guys are very inspiring and I really love reading the stories on this blog. I wish you all much success!
Jenna
Holly
13. Aug, 2008
Jenna, Thank you so much for sharing. What an incredible life you have lead – through all of the struggles and everything you went through, you’ve held onto God.
Thank you so much for being so honest and sharing it. I know we haven’t chatted too much online personally, but I have always felt very drawn to you. You are such a beautiful person and now I know why I felt so drawn to you. I am thankful you survived the accident and the childhood. Sometimes I wonder how it is even possible that I (or you or anyone) has survived through so many life-threatening times. I think it is more proof that we survived for a reason. And you have inspired me so much. Thank you!
3abn.org
13. Aug, 2008
Hi Holly
It is such an amazing story!
God is Good…and all the time: God is Good.
I always believe—
“The more you give
The more you receive and
The more you are blessed.”
Last month I got an email from my aunt about
the insights of Rick Warren (author of the
“Purpose Driven Life”, the book sold 15 million
copies this past year, it made Rick Warren
instantly very wealthy. A very good book to have.)
Here’s Rick’s message from my aunt’s email:
“We need to ask ourselves: Am I going to live
for possessions? Popularity?
Am I going to be driven by pressures? Guilt?
Bitterness? Materialism? Or am I going to be
driven by God’s purposes (for my life)?
When I get up in the morning, I sit on the
side of my bed and say, ‘God, if I don’t get
anything else done today, I want to know You
more and love You better.’
God didn’t put me on earth just to fulfill a
to-do list. He’s more interested in what I am
than what I do. That’s why we’re called human
beings, not human doings.
Happy moments, PRAISE GOD.
Difficult moments, SEEK GOD.
Quiet moments, WORSHIP GOD.
Painful moments, TRUST GOD.
Every moment, THANK GOD.”
You have an amazing testimony on how God
works in your life.
I would like to put your story in our church
newsletter for this month – if it’s OK with you.
Blessings,
Nellie
michellecrofts
13. Aug, 2008
This may sound silly, but simply reading your post Holly and the comments below it, feels like another pivotal point in my life – a moment where another piece of my jigsaw of life, slots into place.
I suppose I believe a lot in fate, and that we all have a path somewhat laid out for us (either by God, the Universe, or both). Just finding your website and forum several years ago was another step along that path for me, Holly, and I hoped then that I could one day help people like you have, and give something back equally good. You’ve just made such an impact on so many people, that the internet marketing aspect is only a part of your presence online now – same goes for you Davin.
I’ve recently been trying to work out just what I want to achieve with my life, and want to express my innermost feelings through a website, something that really makes a difference. (This is probably because I felt an instant affinity with the internet while at school and is why I went to study for a computer science degree).
After a bit of a break from trying to setup an online business and a lot of soul searching through meditation, etc, I decided that I wanted a site that tells stories like all those above this comment – and reading this post and comments tonight has made me hope I can include some/all of these stories as a source of inspiration on my new website. I’ve yet to create the site, but I registered ‘emotionalfulfillment.com’ a while ago. I’ve felt for a while that creating a useful resource site on this subject is my very deepest ambition, so was so happy to see another post on here, on this subject! Hopefully my work online would make me a little income, but I’ve realised that money online is secondary to the idea of helping people or providing something useful – I’ve been so fortunate so far as to have a very happy childhood, so although I can’t relate too much to many of your stories, I am now very self aware after one particular difficult time a few years ago and have become totally appreciative of all that I have, so money is less important to me that it used to be.
Anyway, sorry this is so long and not very well written!! Holly, and others – would it be possible to feature versions of your stories on my website when its created? I would obviously ask you all to adapt them as you see fit for my site, and it would be totally up to you – but make a huge difference to my site I feel – so inspirational and moving!!
Thanks so much, and I will probably post at your forum about this later Holly, if you all think its an okay idea.
Michelle.
Dustin
13. Aug, 2008
Holly, that is truly a remarkable story. Davin, you too!
I am so happy that you chose to share this, Holly. I knew, the first time I contacted you about your (I think) first SEO book, that you had a genuine GOOD reason for doing what you were doing. You have been an inspiration to me that Christians can get by in an Internet Marketing world without having to be slimy and crooked.
I’m sure you have heard this, but if not, you should click the link. Your stories remind me of this song by John Michael Montgomery “The Little Girl” – check it out on youtube and be blessed as you listen. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ijs2iignd5Y&feature=related
Holly
13. Aug, 2008
Hi Dustin, Thank you for commenting. I just checked out your site and I like it – you are really funny and bluntly honest too!
I enjoyed reading a little. I also wanted to say that I have seen that video and it really hit home. It brought back a lot of memories. It may do the same for others – as they can probably relate to it all. Well, I am trying to read and respond to each person’s comment. Thank you again – and I am happy you stopped here to comment. Take care.
chris
13. Aug, 2008
Today is Wednesday August 13, 2008. It was just a few minutes ago and by pure luck that I was fortunate enough to come across HonestHolly.com – I have been to the forum (though not in some time) and bought Holly’s ebook a long time ago but never here. Maybe it found me?:) I read this entry and subsequent follow ups and felt compelled to join and comment.
This is a beautifully designed site and what’s inside is just as stunning – and beautiful. You guys are all such beautiful and inspirational people, Holly, Davin, JK, others. I hope this discussion will just go on and on as it lends itself to the human affirmation that we all have something painful inside to share. We can all learn from each other on so many levels.
It took me a very long time in life to realize that for every human action there is an equal or greater reaction be it known or unknown, positive or negative. I wish I could just get enough courage to open myself up the way many of you already have. I will but I do not want people to know who I am personally. This is something I need to work on but I am still so ashamed of so may things in my life even though the ending seems to be headed for the one God has in mind for me.
I, like Holly, was the youngest of three children in my family and grew up in a difficult situation. From the outside it appeared we were basically the average family of 5 but that could not have been further from the truth. There was always turmoil and strife behind closed doors. My mom’s family has a history of mental illness and she suffered from mild paranoia and probably undiagnosed schizophrenia. Two of her brothers were full fledged schizophrenics and sadly one was murdered when I was 15 and the other died after living an isolated life in the country. My parents constantly fought and were very abusive at times. As the youngest (and only son) I was forced to assume the role of support person for both my parents at a very young age. My sisters were constantly running away and I was always the one that was left at home to witness the stress and misery that my parents would inflict upon each other as a result.
I can remember no one coming to pick me up from school one day and calling home only to have my sister tell me my Dad was locked in the bedroom holding a shotgun under his chin. My mom had found out he was having an affair (one of many he had). I walked about 6 miles home through some of the worst neighborhoods you can imagine; having no idea what to expect when I arrived. I can really relate to what Davin was saying and how it affected him with his Dad threatening suicide. Eventually I started hanging out with the wrong crowd. I started smoking and drinking when I was 13 and using pot at age 14. I lived a life full of contradictions. I smoked, drank, and used drugs while playing sports throughout HS. I can remember going to football practice drunk and being accused of such and denying it. I later went to college for a year but spent all day smoking dope instead of going to class and eventually quit. Things really took a downward spiral from there. I started using cocaine with a group of people who were heavily into drugs and only by the grace of God do I find myself sitting here today typing this. I truly never believed I would make it out of my twenties (I’m 34 now).
I remember (and trust me theres lots I do not remember) driving through a horrific ice storm to a bar to get an 8ball of cocaine. Myself and others had been up all night using and it all came to an abrupt end when one of the guys at the dilapidated apartment I was at picked up a hammer and attacked another guy – and starting knocking holes in the wall. It was at that very point that I knew I needed to change the path I was on, and I needed God in my life. Thoughts of being arrested, being killed, or witnessing someone get killed were running through my head. After the situation was under control I left on foot and realized that it was 4am in the morning. I had no where to go and was stuck in the middle of an ice storm with just a pair of jeans and long sleeve shirt on. It was 13 degrees outside. I started to pray for God to have mercy on me and to give me another chance, – to not let me freeze to death on that January morning in 1994. Miraculously, and it was only by the grace of God, that an old friend happened by (5:10am, worst ice storm ever in my city) and picked me up and gave me a warm place to stay. He said he woke up about 30 minutes before he picked me up and thought maybe he would ride out to see how bad the storm was – I didn’t tell him, but I truly knew it was divine intervention. I never used drugs again after that, btw.
I think Holly said earlier that it would get ugly and take a 100 pages to tell her life story and I have to say the same for myself as well. I want to say that I’ve come so far from where I’ve been. I have a lot further to go. I know that being honest and with the help of God I will get there. If you ever think that what you are doing, saying, writing, accomplishing in life is going unnoticed please realise, for every action no matter how small there is a reaction.
When I began my road to redemption I took a job at a well known company and soon was assigned to train most of the sales staff. A short time later I realised that much of what I was being asked to do was dishonest. There is always going to be a lot of dishonesty in sales and marketing. I could not have lived with myself if I would have continued training people with lies, so I quit. I guess at that point I must have trained about three dozen people and only a few did I get to know beyond training. A few days after I left I must have gotten 10 or 11 phone calls from people I could vaguely even remember asking me why I quit because I was their inspiration to make it big in the business, to continue on even when things were bad. It had a lasting effect on me as I never had any idea what an impression every little thing we do in life leaves on others, even if you cannot hear their voice to say, it’s happening all around us.
You all are very inspirational and beautiful to me and I’m very happy to have come across honestholly.com:)! I think Holly said it best when she said she wants everyone to know of such Love and Peace through God:)
Holly
13. Aug, 2008
CHRIS, I am glad you stumbled upon this site today. Thank you for sharing your personal story. The story that you described of what happened with your dad (and Davin’s) is horrific and traumatic for a child to witness. Thank God you are ok after all of it -and like I said I attribute the “being ok” to God. For so many of us, It is not even logical or explainable that we are “ok” after all of the trauma and events. It is only because of God that I am alive and a half-way decent person! LOL. Some of the things you said in your comment, about growing up, being the youngest and what you went through – it is identical to what I experienced too. It’s strange how the youngest child in such a dysfunctional situation can end up being a “caretaker” – but it seems that is what happened with you and with myself. I always felt that I kind of raised myself – or took care of myself throughout my childhood. I was on my own a lot – just trying to survive and trying to stop the fights at times too (that is not recommended as it can be dangerous
lol). But, finally, eventually I realized that the reason I turned out “ok” or more than ok is because God took care of me and was always there. There is no other explanation as to how I would even be ok today – and the same for so many people. I am so thankful for you sharing here and being so honest. I hope you keep in touch.
TheDavinator
14. Aug, 2008
That was a very moving song you shared Dustin, thanx for that. All of these stories on here today have been great. Thanx for the great post today Holly. It really helped to make my day.
take care,
Davin
annaverawilliams
14. Aug, 2008
I’m a bit late here on this thread I see. I always had a feeling there was something you weren’t telling us! (Just read all of those Holly Mann biographies online and none of them seem to start before age 16.)
You did a great job in turning your life around, and you set a great example for others. It could be the start of something much bigger.
There are just so many people who need help right now. I watched the video of Runaway Train on YouTube after I read this post. When you really look at the scene right now in society it is honestly exasperating.
The fact is, if everyone in the world decided to get together and really handle the situation we would have a good chance of turning it around.
I think many people get so overwhelmed at the condition of the society and the world, that they just give up.
The first step is deciding that something can be done about it and that the wrong thing to do is nothing.
The second step might be deciding to become a solver of problems, as opposed to being the problem.
Then there is the point of deciding not to be a victim. The world has enough victims. What it needs is a few heroes.
annaverawilliamss last blog post..A New Way to Earn Money With Articles
mechanic999
15. Aug, 2008
Do anybody know God(s)’s e-mail address? Just kidding. O.K. I be honest, i am japanese and over there people are not religious. All i believe is there are consious minds(which is mind make decisions)up there(places we do not understand)
Now, some of you got bad luck with family and some got rich parents. I think Gods(angels) and Satan(damons) doing things what ever they see fit. Pretty much like us, but they got far advance tech. The Gods and its army(angels) wants us to live generous loving way.
Satan wants people to be ignorant and mean way. (Of course i am guessing)
But look, Internet marketing is same way. Good people help other, greedy people want other to be ignorant and pay for being greedy.
Oh, those things are deep(not easy to understand) Personally, I have japanese speaking angels(demons which i never know) and with English speaking one(less frequent) and damn i even spanish speaking one from time to time. Am i crazy? You bet. I live in U.S illigally away from my familiy cos of those voice inside my head.
Point is there are some business going on beyond human understanding. Oh, i wish i got e-mail address on those spirits.
But humans, there can be many of those. I sound like crazy, but i do not give damn. I know i am dancing on some spirits pow.
Internet can be Magic to some people, so gods’s work.
By the way i am mechanic999 who known to be drank. Check my gas saving blogs at
http://mechanic999.bravejournal.com
Which something, human can comprehend.
No offense on anybody. just someone from Japan. since we do not worship jesus as much as you do. I went through weird staff. Seems like Gods(minds with great tech) have probrems deal with me. They cannot decide how should i live. Japanese one want me to go back, engish one want me to take chance here in U.S, spanish one kind of help me deal with mexicans.
I am being mechanic and wait those spirits to make up their minds.
I am testing human right now. Can you take it? Then comment. If not, fine.
Holly
15. Aug, 2008
ANNA, I love your comment – and completely agree with every single word of it. You have such a way with words. An example (not that people need reminding) of the situation in society or in the youth is this: I used to go onto Yahoo Q and A (questions and answers website) a lot. It became strangely addictive to randomly login and answer questions. This was at least several months ago – or longer than that. When on there, I noticed all these teenagers using that website as a venue to vent and talk to people. It seemed that they had no one else in the world to confide in (but some strangers who were often just as cruel if not worse than in the real world). So I became addicted because I saw all these teens posting on there that they were going to end their lives. It wasn’t a prank – each situation and each person honestly decided to end their lives. Most of the posters were very depressed and down, felt like they had no one who cared. Some were in their teens and some in their twenties. They would randomly post their suicide-related question in the Q & A in some type of halfway related section (about life or relationships or problems). The reactions they received were sometimes very kind and caring – and sometimes very cruel. The moderators or Yahoo would close down their account for posting such a message (related to suicide) and many of them would feel much worse due to that. I only know all these details because I corresponded with some of the people. One of the people e-mailed me often and I’d write back to him. He was extremely suicidal and just needed someone to care. I haven’t heard from him in a couple of months though. I will try to contact him now. So, that example was to illustrate the serious need for love and intervention and coming together of all people. Thank you miss Anna and maybe we can all work together, come up with an awesome idea and really make a change.
Holly Mann-Honest Riches 3 | Viral Marketing
17. Aug, 2008
[...] http://honestholly.com/my-success-is-not-about-money-real-personal-story/ [...]
Dianne
17. Aug, 2008
Whew! I grew up with all the drama repressed….realized much later in life that my dad was an alcoholic and my mom had always been on her own. But she always looked like the weak one…. I put all the mysteries into poetry and choreography. Which was alternately reviewed as wonderful, or lame. Joined and left a cult. Last relationship before my last marriage was to a wonderful musician who would not pursue his talents full-out….turned out he was a temporarily clean heroin addict – how could I not know?
But now have a brilliant son, some kind of understanding of addiction (hey, some think being an artist is an anti-social obsession) and am still struggling with the tech side of internet/viral marketing. But it’s worth it to meet people like you guys.
Diannes last blog post..Manage Anxiety Before Performances or Competitions
Dianne
17. Aug, 2008
BTW Holly I love your haircut. Having been in ballet for so long, and keeping the long hair for that classical look it was kind of freaky when I finally cut it short. But I felt a lift. And left something behind that needed to be left behind. You look lovely.
Diannes last blog post..Manage Anxiety Before Performances or Competitions
Chris
18. Aug, 2008
What Inspires You?
It’s weird how the World is full of inspiration and how sometimes it comes from the most unlikely of places.
Here’s a prime example…
Years ago I was both a drug addict and alcoholic. I went through the worst of times but today, more importantly, my life is one I only used to dream about. I found the will to change through witnessing an attempted murder. followed by my own almost self demise…
But here is the Real Story:
A friend I have been corresponding with online had one of the heaviest additions to alcohol I have ever seen. In the last 2 years he lost his wife and kids, his house, his job, and every friend he has ever known. Broke and virtually homeless he turned to searching online for answers that could help him overcome his demons, his addictions. While drunk one night and in a run down hotel with HBO he happened to watch a documentary on, what many consider, one of the worst people ever. Heidi Fleiss. If you have have no idea who she is then do a quick google search.
While watching this documentary (keep in mind he was drunk once again and having lost everything) he came across one line, yes one line, that Heidi Fleiss said. She said that she believes that addiction is never fully the story of someone. That if she uses she know she’s cannot accomplish anything. But if she doesn’t, Every ONE of her dreams can come true – My friend has never taken another drink since. That statement from the most unlikely of people is forever burned in his mind. It has kept him sober now for OVER one year.
I believe Inspiration is all around us.
Do you?
Holly
19. Aug, 2008
Chris, Thank you for sharing that opening up so much more. It is amazing how deeply that one line affected your friend’s life and future. You never know who you may inspire with your words or actions – and how it can impact their future. Words are more powerful than people think sometimes. Your example really brought life to that fact. You watched the Teen Challenge video, right? In that video, the class bully realized he had really deeply hurt others (and specifically one other guy in his class). He apologized sincerely and said that he was sorry not just to the one he made fun of, but to everyone, he actually said “millions” of people that he hurt. Sometimes we don’t realize how deeply words can wound or impact positively. I didn’t realize it until that day on January 1st, because prior to it I guess I had very little compassion. Anyway, I am rambling here. Chris, your stories are really incredible and touching. If you ever want to post full articles, short stories or ANYTHING at all just let me know. I think people would love it. It helps others to know how you have changed your life and are living now.
I created a new design for the site and added a new section – so the site is half about marketing and half about life transformation. 
THank you again!
Holly
19. Aug, 2008
Hey Dianne, It is so nice to see you here and commenting. Thank you for posting and sharing. It is strange how life can turn out – or how it can start out for some people. So, you were in ballet? And for how long? I have never done any dance or ballet, but was into gymnastics and stretching (extreme stretching).
I miss the hair but it was an odd attachment – so it’s nice to have a change. I hope you are doing well!!! Keep in touch and take care!!
Chris
19. Aug, 2008
I especially liked that part of the Teen Challenge. I felt really bad for that one student whom everyone admitted to picking on. Must have been so tough to go to school everyday. I also like the part where everyone is asked to step to the other side of the room if they fit into a certain category. Eventually everyone crosses to the same side of the room. Shows everyone is alike and truly trying to make it through the same day at school and with the same challenges.
This is a little off the subject but I had something really strange happen to me today. It got me thinking that maybe sometimes things happen in life in the wrong order. Maybe some sort of delayed fate or drum beating out of time. I went to our local Sonic Drive In (fast food place) for lunch. It was actually around 2pm so there were not many people there. I sat outside my car in the large play area on one of the picnic benches. There was no one else around at the time. A few minutes after my order came one of the waiters skated over to me (they wear skates to get around) with a drink and said, “Here’s the diet coke you ordered” – I was like, uh, I didn’t order anything I just got this diet coke with my food. The waiter said someone ordered from the call box out here (the playground area). I looked around and of course there was no one around. So the waiter skated off of course. Not a minute later my drink was blown off into the playground sand by a strong gust of wind and it was ruined (full of sand)! I didn’t think anything of it until I went to push the button on the call box. It struck me that maybe he brought me the drink before it happened. I had some sort of deja vu moment or something. I decided not to order a new drink because they would think I was messing around or something. Really weird! Thanks for the offer to post a short story/article sometime Holly. Is there a contact form to do that with? Thanks, Chris
Gib
02. Sep, 2008
Hello Holly,
I stumbled across your site today. I have heard of you before through Jack Humphrey. I signed up for Davin’s newsletter about a month ago.
As in Chris’s last comment sometimes the help is there but you just don’t see it in time. Then you feel bad about asking for it again.(diet coke)
I am taking my stumbling across your site as the help I need. I find myself in a similar situation as your own when stating out online. Only I have yet to find success.
While reading yours and others stories of struggle I feel I have found a place to spend some time figuring out what I need. I have never been so moved as I am after reading all the posts from these kind people.
People kind enough to share their experiences. You don’t see this on many sites. The more I go through your site the more intrigued I get. And inspired.
My story is for a later date. But I can rest easy knowing that I’ve found a “real” site for people to truly learn from.
Thank you everyone for sharing.
jewellmari
18. Sep, 2008
Hi, Holly! I am one of those newbie trying to make some extra income online. I am cautious by nature and really spent hours searching the net for making money online. Nevertheless, I am still nervous about this purchase, I am willing to do my part.
If I needed one last push to purchase your e-book this article did it! I am not in a position right now to help others as much as you do but I really hope I can also reach out and help others soon.
God bless!
Holly
18. Sep, 2008
Dear JewellMari,
I am happy that you found the site. It’s ok if you’re not in the position to help others right now. When starting out, I think it’s important to help yourself, focus on taking care of things for you. I think you will do great. Keep us posted and take care.
Thank you the comment!
Jerry
24. Sep, 2008
Holly, thank you so much for sharing your personal story. I have meaning to post and tell you that for a while. It is nice to have a bigger picture of what you have overcome to get to where you are and to know some of the story of your life. If you ever decide to write more about it please let me know. I can relate to much of what you have said about first the desperation to survive, next experiencing success, and then at some point and time having a realization that your goals and aspirations have all changed in life. I was in a really bad situation both personally and financially several years ago. It took me many years in life to realize it didn’t matter if no one believed in me as long as I believed in myself. And that it was ok if what other people wanted for me was not what I wanted for myself. Financially, I found myself with over $40,000 in hospital bills on top of getting into a mortgage that I really could not afford. So obviously the opportunity to make money online was very appealing to me. I knew it was the only way that I could survive. I was literally dead broke, in foreclosure, with only “oodles of noodles” soup to eat almost everyday… I didn’t have the option to fail even though there were people, I believed, who were hoping I would.
I know you said that when you first started out it was about survival for you and your son. I have known you since shortly after Josh was born and I want tell everyone that you helped me immensely even back then. Even though things were really just taking off for you and I know it was hard to keep up with your own business. I am really thankful you took the time to answer my silly emails. So you really have been helping others maybe even longer than you realize. But to put it in perspective I know what it’s like to open your email sometimes and realize that you could spend all day doing support and still be behind. So when I came to know that part of this business it made me appreciate even more your kindness and time you spent helping me so long ago.
About a year ago I came to a realization. I got into this business for financial freedom but not at the cost of my personal freedom. I already had a job that did that and I ended up no where but broke financially and spiritually- and that is what brought me into Internet Marketing. And Internet Marketing is what has allowed me to finally experience financial freedom and realize my own personal dreams. So I am very thankful. When you were talking about if anyone in your family were to read this post- you wanted them to know that you do not hold any anger, pain, or loss from your past…I experienced a very similar situation a while back. I sent a really personal email to my list in which I told some really personal details about myself, my past, what I have overcome, etc. Someone in my family was on my list and got really mad over it and forwarded it to A LOT of people. It got really ugly. In the email I was not placing blame on anyone or any set of circumstances but really just being honest about how I felt and how it played into making me who I am today so…Ok, thank you again Holly for sharing this and for helping me so long ago!:) Take care
dainis
08. Jan, 2009
Thank you for sharing this Holly, your experience is deeply moving. I’d like to share a resource that some people here may find helpful. It’s http://www.safe4all.org/.
Here is a rough draft version of a song, along with the lyrics, that I think really fit with this discussion. When things get really intense, I express myself through music. Though I am a professionally trained musician, this is not a complete production, but here it is, as it may provide solace for those in pain. And it may help release people from blaming themselves for the pain and abuse that others cause.
http://www.music-composition-studio.com/media-files/im-not-your-rage.mp3
——————————–
I’m not your rage
Words and Music: Dainis W. Michel © 2008
I’m not your rage
I’m not your pain
I’m not the hate
You feel inside
I’m not your raincoat
I’m not the rain…falling down
I’m not your dream
I’m not your truth
I’m not the judge
I’m not your trial
I’m just a friend
Who wants to see…you alright
I’m just a soul
who likes to smile
bask in the sun
for a while
and then return.
——————————–
Peace,
Dainis
Lump Hammer
24. Jun, 2009
Your story is deeply moving and has really touched me this morning. I admire your strength and belief.
Holly
24. Jun, 2009
Thank you so much
Joss
14. Aug, 2009
I read it complet.
It kinda made me cry but it’s truly inpirational.
Thanks a lot for this.
Jocy – Lima, Peru