Family on Facebook? Do You Keep Dibs on the Kids?
Posted by Holly in Blunt Honesty, Facebook, Interesting
Have you ever used Facebook to keep an eye on your kids? Do you checkout their updates and photos? This topic is on my mind today because I decided to take a closer look at some of my distant family members who are on Facebook and I was Shocked! I will not elaborate – as this post was just sparked out of curiosity and I was wondering if you too checkup on kids and relatives on Facebook?
A close friend of mine mentioned briefly one time that he does not look at his kids photos on Facebook and doesn’t really want to see them. You know how college students like to party and just love sharing the photos. The vulgarity of some photos can really scare a parent and what is not seen may be easier to handle.
So, just out of curiosity, do you have any family members on Facebook that you selectively choose not to keep a close eye on? Or do you find Facebook (or Myspace for that matter) a great way to keep dibs on the kids? Have you ever been Shocked by what you’ve seen on any of these social networking websites – or do you have any thoughts on these topics? If so, please leave a comment below. In my personal opinion, I am surprised at the types of photos even adults put up on their pages- lewd, sexual and intoxicated. I guess it was a shock to my system to see some people in that light as I have never known them in those ways!
I know times are changing…but I always wonder what it was like before the Internet became so popular…before the socializing online became so “normal” and how things were decades ago – even in the early 1900s. Life was so different. Thank you for reading this Monday rant – it was really on my mind. 
15 Responses to “Family on Facebook? Do You Keep Dibs on the Kids?”
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Anna
04. Aug, 2009
Unfortunately, before online socialization, those same people were equally lewd, crude, and intoxicated – offline.
I remember.
Neisha Rogers
04. Aug, 2009
Holly, I absolutely started my accounts to keep dibs on my daughter on both Facebook and Myspace. An unexpected thing happened as a result of my joining. Not only did I reconnect with a variety of people from my past, but also my daughters friends ended up adding me as friends, making it that much easier for me to keep track of her interactions. I am all to aware of the negative impact my having an account could be, and therefore do not post things about me that I wouldn’t be totally comfortable with everyone knowing. The fact that my child’s friends have access to my pages helps me to police myself and censor what I post. I tell all of the kids to be mindful of what they put on their pages, as you never know who may see them, and when I see something that I might question; I am quick to send a message letting them know that it may not be such a good idea. I think adult have more of a problem than kids do with filtering what may or may not be appropriete on the net. My message to those adults, wake up people, even your kids have more sense!
Holly
04. Aug, 2009
Anna, your comment really made me smile. It was very funny and entertaining – as it is such a true and simple statement. Thank you!
Holly
04. Aug, 2009
Neisha, Thank you for visiting and commenting. I think that is wonderful your daughter and her friends added you as a friend. I’m sure it does make it easier to keep an eye on her when you can see what she’s up to and posting – it opens up access to that. I hadn’t thought of the opposite end of that -where you said you also police what you write, so it is safe for the general public to read, etc. That makes sense. My mom also has a FB account but she rarely writes on it. And Neisha you are so right about the adults who have issues filtering what they show online in their photos.
Shane
04. Aug, 2009
Nice point, Holly. It’s wild what some people think is “okay” to put online without any thought whatsoever may happen down the road. I’ve actually seen careers destroyed because of what people posted online (mostly social websites).
I actually wrote an article about how “Your Digital Resume Can Make or Break You” a couple of years ago that touches on this subject. You can see it at http://www.aiostudents.com/general/career/your-digital-resume-can-make-or-break-you/ .
Oh…another thing I’d suggest is to not badmouth your manager, employer, customer, etc if you want to continue working with them.
Good post!
Shane
Holly
04. Aug, 2009
Great point Shane! I am heading over to read your article – thanks for sharing this. I completely forgot about the professoinal aspect of this -as I read online before that employers often turnto Facebook and Myspace to checkout what type of person they are thinking of hiring.
Irish Tom
04. Aug, 2009
What a great post and mind opening.
I am only to aware of what trouble a person can get in to on Facebook and indeed other Social Sites.
Shane hit the nail on the head. A lot of companies now have someone in human resources who do a search on each new applicant to see if they appear and it can cost you the chance of a job. Also companies use this method for existing employees, especially those who moan and groan within their company, and try to get evidence to get rid of them. I couldn’t believe how hard it is to “sack” someone in the US without getting a law suit against you, so you need strong evidence, and this is an ideal venue.
Something else I learned from a friend of mine in Fresno who is School Principal, the schools also use this method to check up on “certain students” who may not be most suitable for their school.
To summarize, DO NOT PUT ANYTHING ON FACEBOOK OR OTHER SOCIAL NETWORKS YOU WOULD NOT HE HAPPY DISCUSSING FACE TO FACE WITH YOUR MOM, DAD,CHILDREN OR CLERGYMAN.
Holly
04. Aug, 2009
Right on Tom!
Irish Tom
04. Aug, 2009
A great article Holly and also mind opening.
Although I used Facebook more in Ireland before I come out here almost 5 years ago, in the last 6 months I have been more active here mainly because my wife uses it as a great contact with her family and our friends back in Ireland. We enjoy the photos we receive and can send our own selection so a great way to keep in touch.
I know get regular emails inviting me to join with others who are both family and friends. This allows me to see all their stuff.
On the subject of monitoring, Shane has a great point and I don’t think users on Facebook have a clue how employers can keep tabs on them. Most employers now have someone in the H.R. dept who is given the job of checking out potential new employees on Facebook etc and check what they get up to. Wrong behavior can cost a potential job.
Also, something not widely known, companies will monitor existing employees to see what they have to say about where they work and this can cost them their job. I did not believe how difficult it was to “sack ” someone here in the US and the right evidence on the social networks can help an employer get the right ammunition.
Something else very few know about is how schools also monitor these social networks. A friend of mine who is a School Principal told me about situations where they monitor certain pupils activities to see how they behave and in fact may not be the “right students” for their school.
To sumarize:DO NOT PUT ANYTHING ON FACEBOOK ETC YOU WOULD NOT BE COMFORTABLE WITH DISCUSSING IN FRONT OF YOUR MOM, DAD,KIDS,FAMILY OR CLERGYMAN.
I know we can all do stupid things at times, but it is wise to be just a little prudent when in the public domain.
“There endeth my lesson for today”.
Cheers all
Tom
Irish Tom
04. Aug, 2009
Sorry for the double post. I thought I lost the first one and done another. Ah well, must be the triple digets frying my brain..LOL
Bill Vlasak
04. Aug, 2009
Come-on Irish Tom ; you’re as young as I am and oldtimers disease only catches me once a day.
Yes, I was sometimes ashamed of some family members until I told them that anyone can see what they put on those types of social networks.Not only that ,but if you are listed as one of their friends or you have them listed as one of your friends ,prospective friends,relatives and employers past,present and no-future will also be able to access at least some of the posts and pictures via crossposting.
Sign of maturity or lack thereof has at least improved some behaviour.Hopefully the delete button will be used by many.
Irish Tom
05. Aug, 2009
Well I guess Bill, I was having one of those “Senior Moments” you hear so many people talking about..LOL..
Now I forget what it is…Better go and check the lottery before I forget that as well.
Cheers all
Tom
Reed
02. Sep, 2009
Not sure if it is me keeping an eye on my kids or them keeping an eye on me.
Had a Facebook messsage the other day saying that my youngest son had just added me as a friend.
It turns out that he was doing some online research for homework and had been searching for anything online about me so that he could write about our family.
Am I getting old, but what happenned about children just talking with their parents.
Martha
04. Sep, 2009
I started using Facebook a couple of months ago, and just yesterday finally got my two teens to “friend” me. And now I know why they didn’t want to – the words my son uses and some of what their friends post is what I would consider objectionable.
However, my kids and I talk pretty openly, so I was able to have a good discussion with my 18 yr. old daughter about how adults should handle seeing objectionable content on Facebook. We agreed it is not appropriate for adults other than parents to correct teens use of Facebook in an authoritarian way, as she has seen some adults do. I think she’s relieved I’m not going to go around sending “that’s innappropriate” messages to all her friends! (If I see something truly disturbing, however, she and I will discuss it.)
My 13 yr old son’s language, however, is another issue – we’re going to be having a little talk, he and I!
As for the parents who avoid looking at what their kids post on the net – what a shame! Although we can’t control the behavior of our older teens (nor should we), as parents we ought to be able to discuss their behavior with them! We especially need to discuss internet use because of the possible dangers and repercussions! Who else do they have for guidance? Their equally immature peers?
Jacinta Dean
09. Sep, 2009
Hi Holly,
I joined facebook about a year ago after a 20 year high school reunion. The crazy thing was people found me from grade school that I didn’t even remember, it was like going back in time!
A lot of my distant family are on facebook, we all live all over the country and it is so much easier to communicate on line quickly, plus cheaper than making long distance phone calls.
However the most important thing is that lately here we have had a big thing regarding cyber bullying on kids. A lot of the parents do need to catch up to their children and jump online to keep a shadow eye on them.
Recently 4 teenagers in the space of 6 months committed suicide because of cyber bullying and the sad thing is that their parents had no idea about what they were doing online.
As parents we do need to try and keep up with our children and this cyber world is a very faced paced and ever changing one!
Facebook has its good points and bad ones, what some people don’t realise is that you actually need to change your settings on their to make your self private. Facebook has the settings set as public by default!
The funny thing about Facebook is that it really can prove that whole “people are only separated by 6 degrees of separation” (6 people)
Hope the move is going well, and you are settling in. The fun part is unpacking!
Kind Regards
Jacinta