Insults Can Help Your Business
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“I’m going to see to it that you are broke and penniless for the rest of your life,” he said to his ex, as they finalized their divorce. Although the words burned deep to the core - they also caused a spark to ignite within her. Flames of determination to prove the words wrong, breathed new life into her. From the depths of her being, she knew at that instant that she was going to thrive financially. When the insults were spoken to her, she didn’t have the typical reaction of striking back with words of opposition. She smiled and left.
Years passed and the woman worked tirelessly to keep her business earning and to continually learn more and earn more. Periodically, the words of her ex would echo through her mind. She felt proud of herself and of her accomplishments, and even thankful for the harsh words that man told her.
Those words were spoken to the woman over 20-years-ago and that was a major driving force which helped her become successful. Her business thrived - and she loved the work she was involved in. Eventually she sold the business and made a hefty profit (to relax, retire and travel). Her ex-husband who spoke those words to her, approached her many years after the divorce.
He was floored when he saw her home, learned of her success and knew of her financial prosperity. No longer negative, he was impressed. He passed away a couple of years later, and their last conversations were light-hearted and with no negative feelings. She never spoke to him of that one conversation that impacted her life so greatly, and she didn’t need to.
The woman in the story is a relative of mine, and someone who took the negativity dished out to her and channeled it into something very positive. It’s a good lesson to learn, and one of which I have also dealt with. I like to think of what happened as cause and affect. Remember learning about Newton’s law of motion? The third law of motion states that for every action there is an equal but opposite reaction. I think this is extremely accurate, not just in the scientific realm. It can also apply to everyday situations, with actions and reactions to the words, insults and confrontations you deal with daily. For example, the lady in the story had a psychological reaction to the words - which may have involved initial anger, then a motivation to push forth. People generally are not prepared to be fully insulted and exposed - so the reactions vary, but are equally as full of emotion and energy as the first words spoken.
So, if someone insults you (pushes your buttons) your reaction will be….talk back and add onto the insults, or change the way you direct all this new-found energy and put it to use. I think that most often when people are faced with rude confrontations and hurtful words, the initial instinct is to be defensive and stand ground, or reply to the accusatory words.
It helps immensely to be prepared mentally for situations that may arise in life. In this business and in life, encounters with others can bring about an array of emotions. “She feeds off of it,” is a common saying that refers to someone who uses the struggles of others to continually gossip. It is true that we all “feed off of” everything. If someone you do not know, goes out of his way to help you when you are at the grocery story or somewhere and really in a bind - you will feed off of it. The kindness that he shared with you, will most likely be returned right to him with your thankfulness. Not only that, you will then have a stronger affinity for helping others. You will notice others in need or in similar situations to what you were in - and you will be aware that you should step out of your comfort zone to help them. The energy, or positive influence one person can have on another is monumental. And so are the insults and pain that one person can cause for the masses.
With Newton’s 3rd law, this is how I originally perceived it as I thought it should relate to people, interactions and confrontations (both positive and negative). The following example is a true situation and one which you may encounter if you are an Internet Marketer or anyone who deals with customers or the service industry.
Action My Response His Response My Reaction Outcome I receive an e-mail from someone who has been scammed online. He paid a well-known Internet marketer $6000 USD for coaching and received nothing in return. He assumes I am just like the guys who scammed him.
But, he e-mails me to get more information about my book, with a slight (very small) amount of hope left.
I E-mail him back with kindness and my empathy, give him resources and details to help him along his way. Answer all of his questions about working online to the best of my ability, being sensitive to his situation.
He happily (yet still skeptically) continues with his research. He views my websites and stumbles upon one site in which I refer to a well-known Internet Marketer. That well-known man has helped increase my income greatly. It turns out that the guru who I refer to in my website, was a part of a group of people who sold the coaching to him. I did not know that, as I personally have never purchased coaching but greatly increased my income by following the guru’s example.
The man who e-mailed me had a reaction that was filled with anger and rage with me.
When I received the next e-mail from him, it was bad. He said that I was a bad person, like the scammers. He wanted nothing to do with me or my book. The insults continued on.
I reacted to every insult with sincerity & sent him my book for free even though he said he wanted nothing to do with me. I told him that I’ve been personally scammed by people too & I understand the lack of trust. Even if he never wrote back to me again (to fill my inbox with insults) I genuinely hoped that he would succeed & have a good life.I received an e-mail 6 days later which was full of hope again. He said he was sorry for putting me in the same arena as the scammers, but he was assuming he was getting scammed again. I already understood where he was coming from so that was ok. He was motivated again and said that the book helped him. 5 days after that, he e-mailed with good news that he was making some money (first few hundred dollars).
His Uneasiness –> Kind Support –> Deep Anger and Fears –> Love & Understanding –> Peace & Success –> Passing It On to Others Now So, I realize the example illustrated above is a little long or drawn out, but it is a true example of a recent e-mail I received. I must say though that it is so much easier to contemplate and then react, when you have situations to deal with online. Offline, confrontations are unexpected, uneasy and don’t allow for a lot of time to think things through. So, plan a reaction. Sometimes I’m in too much of a shock to know what to say, and I say nothing at all. I think everybody has a lot of situations that they could share - either positive or negative. You know that if you react in a negative way to what is said to you, you can harm a lot of people with your harsh words and attitude.
Action Reaction Outcome OR Love Reaction Insult Someone out of anger or pain. They insult you back with an equal amount of hurtful words. Bitterness. Complaints and gossip that will spread onto to the masses. This is a very important point to note if you are an Internet Marketer who is selling a product. Or, if you deal with customers and are struggling.
Be nice to the customer - care about the customer. Not only is it important morally, but because one angry customer can literally destroy your business.
The normal action and reaction, when one pushes another, is generally met with an equal push back. I’ve seen it a lot with my child even. You say, “NO,” and he says “YES.” It’s a constant push and pull with energy bouncing around. If you CHANGE that path of energy by reacting to it with Love and Understanding - your life will change and so will theirs. It won’t matter what they say to you or what hurtful words are spoken, because if you react to it with Love and Peace rather than bashing them back with painful words, things will change. You will stop those hurtful words from continuing. Your kindness can extinguish their gossip right there.
And in addition to that, your kindness could also cause them to spread kind words onto others. I’ve seen lives changed, totally transformed through simple kindness.
In closing, I hope this post will help you when you are faced with unruly insults from strangers or worse yet, from family members. Whether in business or when dealing with family, friends or strangers - these “insults” can truly leave an imprint on people for years to come. That imprint can be profoundly positive or negative.
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That is some real talk! I also believe that you have to deal with those “word curses” accordingly. For instance we have all had(at least to my knowledge meeting people in my life I have found this in common) words spoken over us that were spoken to destroy us.
It is wise to forgive the person that spoke those words, release them because you holding them in prison really puts you in prison. I pray daily to forgive those that have offended me in the past. I know that it is only by Gods help that I am able to release. Along with that I know people that have used those words as momentum to be successful at the same time I see that they are still fueled by that curse (so they see themselves as the words that were spoken over them) meaning their fear of becoming that curse is what drives them. I must say that this is a caution to all of us that deal with negative words that we have to give them to God who can break the power of those words and reveal our true identity.
My two Cents
Great Post Holly, we need more people with integrity that can address the scammers by just being genuine.
That is truly a gift
Thank you so much for the first comment! I haven’t posted in a while and I have been thinking about this a lot lately. I agree with you fully in your comment - and forgiveness is key.
Not just forgiveness but love for the person who has hurt you or said those things to you. I was reading an amazing book about God’s Grace and how it is by God’s grace that we can deeply love and have compassion for others, no matter who they are and what they “do to us.” I agree completely. But I know it is also not easy for people to even know where to begin, or how to forgive others. Even with religion aside, if you are willing to admit that you have wronged others, have hurt others and would deeply yearn for their forgiveness. Then, you should understand that you need to share that forgiveness with those who hurt you. Personally, I’ve hurt people and I wouldn’t expect them to ever forgive me if I would never forgive them or anyone else. Why would I deserve forgiveness and compassion if I don’t share that same thing with people in my life? We’re all human.
Hello Holly, I really love the story about the driving force behind the success of your relative. And the interaction chart of how you applied newtons law and changed the person’s negative assumption into a positive one is great. The Chinese philosopher Mozi said “The cessation of motion is due to the opposing force … If there is no opposing force … the motion will never stop” So you were a positive opposing force and so much good came out of it for that person. Not only that but people who have been scammed and exposed to dishonestly will harbor those assumptions pretty much forever. So it stopped with you. That is great Holly.
I am a big believer in positivity and that what we put into out minds will control what we do and how much success we have. Think Big and you will be Big. So that has personally helped me out immensely considering it is not always possible to be surrounded with positive people. In dealing with people face to face, particularly if the situation is uncomfortable, I always find myself thinking about things I should have said. Or wishing I had not said some things I did. So email is a luxury in that it is possible to put well formed thoughts together before responding. Speaking of email I better get back to work. But thank you for sharing your wealth of knowledge:) take care, Jerry
Jerry!!! I have been meaning to contact you. First, I would like to say that I agree with what you said and it’s really interesting about what Mozi said. Pretty amazing because if the driving force is a good one (of love or kindness) then it will continue on until the negative opposing force meets it. Good thing Light extinguishes the darkness - the good can overcome the evil any day.
Life has been really odd lately - and I’ve been meaning to write to you Jerry. I bought the book Tara’s Angels, that you recommended. I actually got it on ebooksmall.com and downloaded it and read it within a day (I couldn’t stop reading it). It was INCREDIBLE and I cannot thank you enough for recommending it. I hope we can catch up sometime Jerry. Hope you and your little one are doing well! Take care.
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS It’s great to see you back on the blog Holly! I love this story and it’s so true. I’ve had it happen to me, people contact me, lost, scammed, and down to their last dime.
They often tell me ” I’m broke, I have no more money” and I assume it is a defense they put up so I don’t try to sell them anything. I never do. When people take the time to contact me, I take the time to listen. I ask them questions, what they’ve done, what they want to do, and how I feel they can get started.
I just help, I give advice, and any knowledge I may have, and it work. You can almost feel their spirits being lifted up with hope! I loved this story, and it’s not doubt true…I know…this seems so much like you!
Thank you for sharing.
JK Swopess last blog post..IMwithJoe.com Weekly Update
I think its your best post ever.
Thank you Miss Anna! That is the best comment ever because I just woke up and it was the first thing I read. I am sorry for being out of reach lately - I will contact you via skype though
Hi Holly,
I just love this post! I sooooooooooo believe in this way of thinking. The story of your relative is fantastic! I have always believed in the power of positive thinking.
I remember sitting at a dinner table about 10 years ago with a bunch of girlfriends - so far away from where I am in today’s presnet life -and we were talking about houses we’d like to buy one day. My husband (then fiance) and I had a clear vision of where we wanted to live one day and what kind of house we’d like. We were all disclosing our dreams and aspirations to each other that night over dinner. And one of my friends said to me “I really think that you guys need to lower your standards a bit and come back to reality.” Of course I was NOT happy with that comment but all I replied was “Why?” Of course if you knew the jobs we had and that we were just living in a little apartment at the time you can guess that she was much too uncomfortable to give an ‘honest answer’. So she didn’t answer at all…
Well things have progressed rapidly and positively since that dinner and needless to say we are living in that house with great jobs and doing very well.
I’ve always remembered my one friend’s comment that dinner so long ago and when I get discouraged that I’m not accomplishing what I want or ‘think’ I need I just let that fuel my fire.
Postive thinking (and of course hard work) really does make positive changes in one’s life…
Holly,
Every once in a while we all get a bit overwhelmed and driven off focus by drama. While I try to avoid it, it sometimes just ‘arrives’. My dear dad used to say, “Everything was fine til the ‘people’ got involved”.
What you have done with this post is define the process that we all get caught up in and have provided a wonderful insight into that process.
Thank you.
With the ton of emails that I get, I always know that Honest Holly will brighten my day or make me think.
Thank you for being you and for sharing your deepest experiences and thoughts.
Best regards,
Dale in Canada
Holly, this is a beautiful post, one which I can learn a lot from.
I believe we have the power to change the energy of any situation, whether spoken or unspoken. I admire your relative for using that negative energy for success. That is very hard to do. Our first instinct is to agree with negativity, which can anchor a thought in our mind, and over time can become belief systems. How many of us can still remember negative words spoken over us from our past, and by now as adults some of them have become behaviors.
I loved your example of kindness. Since becoming married I experience this more often. When I get into an argument with my husband, I have two choices. I can either step back and turn the argument around or fuel it by adding more negativity to the situation. I have to say I have failed at this on more than one occasion
My mother once told me: Whenever communicating, never use the word “you”, always use the word “I”. You will find that it is harder but it always quenches negative thoughts and promotes positive energy because you have turned the focus on yourself and how you need to change and off of blaming the other person.
I once heard a story they performed at a university here in California. They put a clinically depressed man in a room and put mentally healthy people in the room with him but did not tell them the “depressed” mans condition. They stayed there for a while and were not allowed to speak a word to each other, just sit. After they exited the room, they were all asked to fill out a questionnaire. The depressed man was still depressed, but interestingly enough, all of the others stated that they felt “down” and unhappy, and some even depressed after leaving the room. The moral is that energy is always being “transmitted” so to speak, even when words are not spoken. You can change the whole atmosphere of a room with a positive and confident energy. I believe that your internal energy is shown on your outside without you even being aware. We work from the inside out. Now, I am by no means a master of this, but I am trying to become aware of my state at all times. It is not easy, but I think we could positively affect others with our words and our internal state, and this can spread virally, as Holly stated.
Holly, so nice to see you post again. I always love to hear what you have to say. God Bless.
Hi Dale, Thank you for the nice comment and I am happy if the posts I make can be uplifting or insightful!
I need to get more consistent in posting often, but I’m working on it. 
When I hear such positive feedback it really motivates me to continue writing. Please take care ok 
And Tina and Jenna, thank you both too!!! You two are extremely uplifting and both have such warm, kind “energy.” You guys have such incredible outlooks on life - and if you ever want to post anything on here, I’d be grateful. You guys are an inspiration to me.
And Jenna, you said that we work from the inside out - and I think that is beautifully stated and accurate. I know this is related, yet slightly off-topic, but I was shopping with Josh yesterday and people kept staring at my face or at me. I try to just smile and sometimes say hello but I thought I must have had something on my face. I asked Josh if I did and he said “Yeah - you have blood on your nose.” I asked him, “What?” and I looked in a mirror there and saw nothing. So my cheeky child was just joking. But it made me wonder why they were looking at me. I felt almost like I did when I first traveled to Thailand (I was 16, and at that time there were not many foreigners there) and everyone looked at me. But I am in America now! We’re in Las Vegas now, and there are some very interesting characters - this is really a melting pot. Maybe I look odd!
LOL Strange…any thoughts on this anyone?
You don’t look odd! They were probably staring because you are pretty! And little Josh is a cutie-pie! I was in Vegas this summer and there are some pretty interesting people to say the least, I agree. It is an exciting yet tiring city. Have fun!
I agree with Tina. You do not look odd! And yes I agree that they were staring at you because of your beauty! But I also think that people are drawn to those that have an aura of compassion and kindness. For you, I am sure it was both of these!
Well, you know Holly. People don’t usually stare if they aren’t somewhat drawn to something. Seriously, and this is what I know of human nature, sure, if you are a pretty girl or have a certain “je ne sais pas” about you. People will look, but, 9/10 I agree with Jenna, it’s aura, and it’s a gift that shouldn’t be taken for granted.
Not everybody has an aura like that, but, truly, I believe that to be what it is…it truly is a special trait and gift to have.
It’s so nice to know a person that carries is so well though Holly….
“une, quatro, trois” and talk soon
Davin
Thanks!
I just figured it was obvious I wasn’t from around here! 
LOL
Great stuff (as usual) Holly!
I know that your story about the guy who contacted you must be true to form because I remember when I first contacted you about your “Thank You Rich Jerk” ebook. I hadn’t been scammed, but I had been let down and misdirected. I had seen all the offers online and was convinced most of them were scams. I contacted you with the same types of concerns and questions. I was very pleased when you contacted me back and with such compassion and sincerity. That was probably 3 or 4 years ago now!
Unfortunately I haven’t really begun my journey of online marketing, but when I get off my figurative lazy rear end, I’m sure I’ll be devouring everything I can find that you’ve written. lol
Hey Holly,
I just was thinking about this post and was curious - he was making a few hundred dollars in just 11 days total??
Another one of the lucky ones again or had he been doing his research beforehand?
Hmmmm….
Good observation Tina. I know that isn’t always the case - and it does tend to take longer to build things up online. He said in his e-mail that he had done some things a long time ago but never knew how to profit from them. He mentioned something about using his signature (in forums or sites) to redirect to his sites or to an affiliate program I think, and that is how he made that.
I should ask him more about it. 
This is a really great post Holly, and the comments and examples others have shared have been equally as inspiring. A lot of what you wrote had me thinking of a family member that really makes me dread picking up the phone when I see their name on Caller ID. The historical pattern of communication with this person usually sets off triggers that makes one of us be “not at our best”…ugggghhhh. Sometimes it’s maddening when you try…I mean really try to be empathetic and supportive and encouraging, only to be met in the next conversation with comments that seem to indicate that all has been forgeten of any support that has been offered. In fact, night before last during a conversation with “this person”, I was consiciously saying nothing in reply, listening…then when the “venting” was over, I quietly began speaking of another subject. Steering the conversation away from the non-productive topic. Of course it’s not all the other persons fault, and I am responsible for being aware of how I might be negatively contributing to the conversation/situation. When I look, I do see progress on both of our sides, and that is encouraging.
Who knows, my struggles and lessons in communicating with “this person” may be preparing me in ways I’ve yet to understand!
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That was inspirational Holly, and other members comments are really encouraging which made be accept that am with the right network of people with positive thinking and good intentions. Am new her, and here to stay, Holly your ebook really wakes me up and get me going from my losts and failing with people in my past. Too much information at a time uuppp, making my head spinning, sleeping late and waking up early with much much hope. Thank Holly and you guys out their.
Cheers
Hello qhmem09.
Its always best to look at the future and not the past. The future is a blank slate and you are standing there with the pencil. The past is pretty-much etched.
We all go through the late nights and early mornings - or, okay, at least the late nights!
Make sure you eat nutritious food (and plenty of coffee! - joke).
Learn and apply one thing at a time and visit the forum for advice, as well as this blog. You have started off on the right foot, now its time to keep walking!
qhmem09 - I know EXACTLY how you feel! I have recently decided to really begin my own IM trek. The people I’ve read here are all great people and are truly an uplifting group. I hope we start hearing from you regularly as well, too!
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