This was an important post I wrote a while back – time for a re-visit! Enjoy…
“I’m going to see to it that you are broke and penniless for the rest of your life,” he said to his ex, as they finalized their divorce. Although the words burned deep to the core – they also caused a spark to ignite within her. Flames of determination to prove the words wrong, breathed new life into her. From the depths of her being, she knew at that instant that she was going to thrive financially. When the insults were spoken to her, she didn’t have the typical reaction of striking back with words of opposition. She smiled and left.
Years passed and the woman worked tirelessly to keep her business earning and to continually learn more and earn more. Periodically, the words of her ex would echo through her mind. She felt proud of herself and of her accomplishments, and even thankful for the harsh words that man told her.
Those words were spoken to the woman over 20-years-ago and that was a major driving force which helped her become successful. Her business thrived – and she loved the work she was involved in. Eventually she sold the business and made a hefty profit (to relax, retire and travel). Her ex-husband who spoke those words to her, approached her many years after the divorce.
He was floored when he saw her home, learned of her success and knew of her financial prosperity. No longer negative, he was impressed. He passed away a couple of years later, and their last conversations were light-hearted and with no negative feelings. She never spoke to him of that one conversation that impacted her life so greatly, and she didn’t need to.
The woman in the story is a relative of mine, and someone who took the negativity dished out to her and channeled it into something very positive. It’s a good lesson to learn, and one of which I have also dealt with. I like to think of what happened as cause and affect. Remember learning about Newton’s law of motion? The third law of motion states that for every action there is an equal but opposite reaction. I think this is extremely accurate, not just in the scientific realm. It can also apply to everyday situations, with actions and reactions to the words, insults and confrontations you deal with daily. For example, the lady in the story had a psychological reaction to the words – which may have involved initial anger, then a motivation to push forth. People generally are not prepared to be fully insulted and exposed – so the reactions vary, but are equally as full of emotion and energy as the first words spoken.
So, if someone insults you (pushes your buttons) your reaction will be….talk back and add onto the insults, or change the way you direct all this new-found energy and put it to use. I think that most often when people are faced with rude confrontations and hurtful words, the initial instinct is to be defensive and stand ground, or reply to the accusatory words.
It helps immensely to be prepared mentally for situations that may arise in life. In this business and in life, encounters with others can bring about an array of emotions. “She feeds off of it,” is a common saying that refers to someone who uses the struggles of others to continually gossip. It is true that we all “feed off of” everything. If someone you do not know, goes out of his way to help you when you are at the grocery story or somewhere and really in a bind – you will feed off of it. The kindness that he shared with you, will most likely be returned right to him with your thankfulness. Not only that, you will then have a stronger affinity for helping others. You will notice others in need or in similar situations to what you were in – and you will be aware that you should step out of your comfort zone to help them. The energy, or positive influence one person can have on another is monumental. And so are the insults and pain that one person can cause for the masses.
With Newton’s 3rd law, this is how I originally perceived it as I thought it should relate to people, interactions and confrontations (both positive and negative). The following example is a true situation and one which you may encounter if you are an Internet Marketer or anyone who deals with customers or the service industry.
Action My Response His Response My Reaction Outcome I receive an e-mail from someone who has been scammed online. He paid a well-known Internet marketer $6000 USD for coaching and received nothing in return.He assumes I am just like the guys who scammed him.
But, he e-mails me to get more information about my book, with a slight (very small) amount of hope left.
I E-mail him back with kindness and my empathy, give him resources and details to help him along his way.Answer all of his questions about working online to the best of my ability, being sensitive to his situation. He happily (yet still skeptically) continues with his research. He views my websites and stumbles upon one site in which I refer to a well-known Internet Marketer. That well-known man has helped increase my income greatly.It turns out that the guru who I refer to in my website, was a part of a group of people who sold the coaching to him. I did not know that, as I personally have never purchased coaching but greatly increased my income by following the guru’s example.
The man who e-mailed me had a reaction that was filled with anger and rage with me.
When I received the next e-mail from him, it was bad. He said that I was a bad person, like the scammers. He wanted nothing to do with me or my book. The insults continued on.
I reacted to every insult with sincerity & sent him my book for free even though he said he wanted nothing to do with me. I told him that I’ve been personally scammed by people too & I understand the lack of trust. Even if he never wrote back to me again (to fill my inbox with insults) I genuinely hoped that he would succeed & have a good life.
I received an e-mail 6 days later which was full of hope again. He said he was sorry for putting me in the same arena as the scammers, but he was assuming he was getting scammed again. I already understood where he was coming from so that was ok. He was motivated again and said that the book helped him.5 days after that, he e-mailed with good news that he was making some money (first few hundred dollars). His Uneasiness –> Kind Support –> Deep Anger and Fears –> Love & Understanding –> Peace & Success –> Passing It On to Others Now
So, I realize the example illustrated above is a little long or drawn out, but it is a true example of a recent e-mail I received. I must say though that it is so much easier to contemplate and then react, when you have situations to deal with online. Offline, confrontations are unexpected, uneasy and don’t allow for a lot of time to think things through. So, plan a reaction. Sometimes I’m in too much of a shock to know what to say, and I say nothing at all. I think everybody has a lot of situations that they could share – either positive or negative. You know that if you react in a negative way to what is said to you, you can harm a lot of people with your harsh words and attitude.
Action Reaction Outcome OR Love Reaction Insult Someone out of anger or pain. They insult you back with an equal amount of hurtful words. Bitterness. Complaints and gossip that will spread onto to the masses.This is a very important point to note if you are an Internet Marketer who is selling a product. Or, if you deal with customers and are struggling.
Be nice to the customer – care about the customer. Not only is it important morally, but because one angry customer can literally destroy your business.
The normal action and reaction, when one pushes another, is generally met with an equal push back. I’ve seen it a lot with my child even. You say, “NO,” and he says “YES.”It’s a constant push and pull with energy bouncing around. If you CHANGE that path of energy by reacting to it with Love and Understanding – your life will change and so will theirs. It won’t matter what they say to you or what hurtful words are spoken, because if you react to it with Love and Peace rather than bashing them back with painful words, things will change. You will stop those hurtful words from continuing. Your kindness can extinguish their gossip right there.
And in addition to that, your kindness could also cause them to spread kind words onto others. I’ve seen lives changed, totally transformed through simple kindness.
In closing, I hope this post will help you when you are faced with unruly insults from strangers or worse yet, from family members. Whether in business or when dealing with family, friends or strangers – these “insults” can truly leave an imprint on people for years to come. That imprint can be profoundly positive or negative.